I figured by now that I would be able to write a quick little blog about whatever trade had happened by noon or so, and get the hell outta here for the day and just check my phone a bunch. As you know by now, no dice.
As of 12:19 p.m. Eastern, there have been no trades. Not one. Not a single friggin’ trade. There’s nothing to analyze. Not that it’s stopped TSN from analyzing what might happen, because TSN is the worst.
There was a thing James Duthie said earlier in the day about how the average first trade in the last few years takes place around 10:25 a.m. or so. This did nothing to prevent his show from starting at 8 a.m., and they mostly talked about nothing for the two and a half hours before most even anticipated anything happening. Which tells you everything you need to know about this kind of crap coverage.
So here’s what I’m going to do: I’m just going to write what happens on TSN until I want to kill myself, then I’m going to stop. Here goes nothing.
They’re talking about the Canucks. And that means they’re talking about Roberto Luongo. Did you know he’s on the block? James Duthie just said Mike Gillis has been one of the “more busier” GMs on deadline day, so now there is an in-depth discussion of how he hasn’t called anyone and no one has really called him today. Farhan Lalji with the big scoop that Luongo is in the building for practice, because, you know, the team scheduled practice.
“We have a trade, and… kind of,” Gord Miller intones with something resembling enthusiasm for reasons I think I’ll never understand. It’s a minor-league deal: Max Sauve from Boston to Chicago for Rob Flick. If you’ve heard of them, get a life. “I don’t know that it’s worth analyzing,” Duthie says. He’s right. On Twitter, though, Darren Dreger gave this one four exclamation points.
More Canucks talk. Forward depth is an issue, they say, because everyone’s injured. Booth, Kesler, that guy I forget already. And now they’re talking about the Zack Kassian trade and how successful it wasn’t. Oh god it’s Pierre McGuire. This might be a very short post. After he talks about the Canucks’ power play issues, talk circles back to Luongo. He has a “gargantuan contract.” Good analysis here. Will there be a compliance buyout? Oh man this is rough.
Now they’re going to Ryane Clowe on the phone. He’s got nothinge to saye. Duthie asks if it’s hard to go to a team “you’ve been trained to hate” which is just about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Clowe isn’t sure why he doesn’t have more than no goals this season. “That happens sometimes,” he says. I mean I guess so, dude.
They go to commercial just as my desire to blow my brains out reaches its apex, but not before playing some hideous song on the way out. I’m not doing this any more.
But here’s the thing, right? This is literally all this show has been for four and a half hours at this point. I think TSN should mail checks to everyone (like me) dumb enough to watch this for so long. I have so much more I could have been doing with my life than seeing someone cut to Mike Milbury and Keith Jones like their opinions on who should go where, or anything really, are worth literally even hearing at this point. How do you get Milbury on TV during trade deadline day and not at least make fun of him for the Yashin thing. Like, that’s gotta be your logical bare minimum, right? Further proof that this show should be nuked from orbit.
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