The Two-Line Pass

The Lead

Rick Tocchet had had just about enough of the crap outta his team. He benched Jeff Halpern. He benched Alex Tanguay. He was going to dress eight defensemen against the Predators. He was sending a message.

The message, from what I could glean from their allowing Nashville to pop in seven tonight, was that Rick Tocchet is coaching a team that has managed itself into such a terrible situation that they couldn’t beat anyone no matter who he benched or how many defensemen he dressed. Even with eight freaking defensemen on the line chart tonight, the problem was that these were eight defensemen that play for the Tampa Bay Lightning, which immediately puts anyone behind the eight ball.

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Because I tend to not blog on the weekends, here is a feature that will run through the entire season. It aims to recap the weekend’s events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact about each team that played. And hell, there’s a ton of other crap for me to blather on about too. And yes, I’m totally ripping off just about every other blogger ever’s weekly column, but that’s something you’ll have to deal with on your own time.

Danger: This post contains language that some people might not like. This will be the only thing on the site that regularly does so.

So when I saw on Friday that Barry Melrose got fired, I was a little surprised and, frankly, disappointed. It obviously wasn’t because he didn’t have the credentials to be an NHL coach to begin with and not because the Lightning are a puddle of drizzling liquid shit. He doesn’t and they are. This piece of news had me upset because 16 games was four short of the 20 I had in the Barry Melrose Firing pool. Hell.

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The Lead

Here is an ice-time comparison for a few Tampa Bay forwards as of the end of the second period.

Martin St. Louis: 13:00
Vinny Prospal: 12:48
Jussi Jokinen: 11:58
Vincent Lecavalier: 11:32
Mark Recchi: 11:06
Steven Stamkos: 8:31

Try to guess which of these forwards, at this point, had two picturesque goals in the hockey game.

Hint: It was Lecavalier.

How does this happen? How is it that Vincent Lecavalier is keeping the bench warm for ANYONE on the team? The answer, obviously, is Barry Melrose.

It’s insane, too, because they spent a lot of the early coverage of the game on TSN talking about how Lecavalier was unhappy that he hadn’t played more than 20 minutes in his previous two games. Even with Lecavalier’s point that he deserves to be on the ice for as much of the game as he feels like playing in being made emphatically, he still ended with just 17:49, third among Lightning forwards.

I know Melrose is scouting, scouting, always scouting, but maybe he should have taken a peek at this game and seen that big No. 4 was DOMINANTING the Maple Leafs. He had a gorgeous breakaway dangler on his backhand to put the Bolts up 2-1, then extended the lead on a power play early in the second with another pretty backhander off a draw. Somehow, this did not warrant his getting more ice time than Prospal.

Meanwhile, Stamkos ended with just 12:58 of ice time despite picking up his first career point (an assist on Lecavalier’s second goal).

But Melrose and his boys, who didn’t play especially well but benefited from three separate puck-over-the-glass D.O.G. penalties by Toronto (Lecavalier’s power play goal came five seconds into one of these), will take the two points mainly because of the incredible play of Mike Smith, who made 37 saves, with a number of those being just jaw-dropping. Smith pulled several that got past him back from the line. Toronto may have had two power play goals, but both were on second chances, and with the first goal, you can make a credible argument that the play should have been whistled dead.

Not that the Leafs played badly or anything. They were thoroughly mediocre on everything but the aforementioned power play. When up a man, they put 10 shots on net in six opportunities and had it not been for the play of Smith, could have probably had four or five. It was very impressive despite the so-so results. The same can’t be said for the rest of the Leafs’ night, which was so-so with less than impressive results. But you expect that going in, right?

So it turns out that incompetent coaching doesn’t always cost your team. You just need your Top-Five-In-The-League superstar player to score twice despite a relative paucity of ice time and have your goalie make almost 40 saves.

That Barry Melrose. What a genius.

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I am not, nor have I ever been, a hockey coach in any sense of the word. But in reading this Damian Cristodero article from the St. Pete Times about Barry Melrose’s plan for the Lightning, I feel like I’d do an okay job with an NHL job.

His big plan to right the Tampa Bay ship is pretty simple. Well, actually it’s shockingly simple.

Step one: Play your best players less.

Martin St. Louis averaged more than 24 minutes a game last year, and Lecavalier averaged just under 23. Melrose said they played anywhere from three to five minutes too much per night. In St. Louis’ case, I agree that almost 25 seems like a lot. In fact, it was the most of any forward by close to 30 seconds a night. Brad Richards, who played with St. Louis for most of his time in Tampa, was second at 23:27, followed by Alex Ovechkin at 23:06. A good four minutes too many for St. Louis, even if he did see time in all situations, and Tampa took a decent amount of penalties last year.

But getting Lecavalier’s minutes down to 20 or less is crazy. The team has no one besides Lecavalier to play in his place. Who picks up those minutes? Gary Roberts? Steven Stamkos? Ryan Malone? Eh, that’s not too good of a substitute.

Both will see their shorthanded minutes drop considerably to cover this, which would be fine except St. Louis averaged 1:46 shorthanded a night, and Lecavalier only had 1:33. Even if those numbers dropped to nil, they’re still losing 2ish minutes a night at even strength or (if Melrose is actually as stupid enough) on the power play.

Melrose calls this “resting,” I ask, “For what?” This isn’t a playoff-bound team, or anything like one. Too many holes, too many projects. Playing your best players as much as they can possibly play doesn’t strike me as a bad thing. It’s not like they slowed down or had the ice time affect them too greatly. Both Lecavalier and St. Louis had better than a point a game.

Step two: Don’t dump and chase.

Again, just brilliant coaching here. The only teams that can get away with the dump and chase are teams with good defenses. Tampa doesn’t have one. Tortorella’s insistence on using it was none too bright, Melrose’s correction of that practice shouldn’t be hailed as anything less than correction of an obvious.

So instead, the plan is (wait for it) puck possession! It’s just so clever.

Here’s Melrose, the master analyzer, on why it will work: “If we have the puck, they can’t score.”

Step three: Play defense.

But what happens when they DO have the puck?

“I’m not going to accept bad pinches,” Melrose said. “I’m not going to accept two-on-ones against. I’m not going to accept bad judgment on defense.”

Saying it is one thing, executing it is another. The fact is that Tampa’s defense features five 23-year-olds and they’re going to make mistakes. Lots of them. That means bad pinches, bad giveaways, and odd-man rushes coming back the other way. Even if they’re encouraged not to jump into the play (and boy won’t Tampa be fun to watch this year if that’s the case?), they’ll still see a lot of forwards busting ass up-ice toward them.

So this is Barry Melrose’s three-part plan. Really.

Doesn’t it make you feel like all you need to do to coach is stand behind the bench in a suit?

We’re now something like 50 days out from the start of the NHL season so I figure this is as good a time as any to start doing the season previews. This is mainly for two reasons: 1) I am lazy and there’s no way I’ll do one of these every day, and 2) This is early enough that if I just stop doing them entirely you’ll have forgotten by October anyway. Oh and I guess also to show off my near-infinite knowledge of the National Hockey League. I’ll be previewing the teams in reverse order of finish in the 2007-08 season. Please note, though, that this is the opinion of one man, however smart and handsome he may be.

Tampa Bay Lightning, you’re on the clock.

This happened FOUR years ago!

It’s a rare thing indeed to see so much upheaval for a team in a single offseason. New owners, new GM, new coach, completely new second line, new contract for the franchise player, and a new rookie sensation. It’s an exciting time to be a Bolts fan, right?

Well, not so fast. Because one thing that hasn’t been improved is the team defense and goaltending, at least not appreciably, or for the present. Trading Dan Boyle, a very good do-it-all defenseman may have yielded a pair of promising blueliners in Matt Carle and Ty Wishart, but neither is ready to be Dan Boyle on Oct. 5. Not even close. The goaltending situation isn’t much better, as obviously-bad Marc Denis has been replaced by obviously-aging Olaf Kolzig, who, at 38, is ancient even by NHL goalie standards. He was the oldest goalie in the league to start more than 50 games and fourth-oldest overall.

Kolzig, like every one of the Bolts’ goalies last year, posted a save percentage under .900 and a GAA around 3 (Mike Smith was 2.46/.906 in Dallas but those numbers dropped to 2.79/.893 in Tampa). Kolzig also had the luxury of playing behind a Washington blue line that allowed 36 fewer goals than did Tampa last year.

The offense, though admittedly upgraded from last year, is still pretty mediocre. Its 223 goals was tied for 17th in the entire league last season, with offensive powerhouse Minnesota (yes, really). All but one team that scored fewer than the Bolts (the lowly Atlanta Thrashers) actually allowed more goals. Some of the “promising” new additions are a trio of Penguins in Ryan Malone (27 goals with Evgeni Malkin sliding him the puck), Adam Hall (2) and The NHL’s Oldest Man, 42-year-old Gary Roberts (3).

Then there’s obviously Steven Stamkos, the big-time rookie who will likely center the second line. Yeah he was picked first overall, and yeah he’s very good, but he won’t make the impact the Lightning need him to make to get to the postseason in his rookie year. It’s very rare that anyone’s that good. Sid Crosby and Alex Ovechkin couldn’t do it, and even though Stamkos has the benefit of having Vinny Lecavalier on his team, that’s still not enough.

More after the jump.

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Actual Barry Melrose quote: "HE'D BE A MALE MODEL." (yes, I pictured him yelling this and possibly pounding his fist on the table.)

If he had been allowed to ramble on for another few sentences, Dateline’s Chris Hansen would have asked Barry Melrose what he was doing in the interview.

See, Melrose sat down with the St. Pete Times’ Damian Cristodero to talk all about a young man you may have seen named Steven Stamkos. The Bolts’ new coach heaped praise upon the 18-year-old center, saying the way he skates is “beautiful” and raving about his quick-release wrister.

If calling anything about Stamkos “beautiful” and bringing up his quick release wasn’t borderline-odd enough for you, the interview takes a turn for the truly bizarre a few more paragraphs down.

“He’s cut,” Melrose said. “He’d be a male model if he wasn’t a hockey player. But he’s slim. He’s 18 years old. He’s not a man yet. Vinny (Lecavalier) looked like a beanpole with shoulder pads on, too. Matter of fact, Stamkos is thicker than Vinny when Vinny came in.”

Uhhhhhhhhhh…?

Melrose went on to say that Stamkos is the type of player that plays better when he has better players around him (now you see why he got that coaching job), and namedropped Radim Vrbata and Ryan Malone as potential linemates. Both were 27-goal scorers last year, but Malone couldn’t pop in 30 playing with Geno Malkin, and Vrbata scored 27 after having never scored more than 18 in his previous five NHL seasons. So I don’t know about how good those two would be as linemates if you want Stamkos kickstarting the second-line offense.

Last week I bemoaned the fact that the Lightning was making a big mistake in having rookie camp in British Columbia. That the Bolts have the second-most important pick in franchise history skating in a black and blue sweater for the first time more than 3,000 miles away from their home rink seemed like a terrible idea.

I think season tickets for $6.20 a game more than makes up for it.

620 WDAE and the Tampa Bay Lightning have joined forces to offer Lightning and Animal fans an Exclusive Deal on Season Tickets. You get 42 home games for the unbelievable price of $6.20 a ticket.

I would imagine you’d be hard-pressed to come up with a better deal in all of North American major pro sports. For about $260 (okay, $302 with Ticketmaster service charge), you can go to EVERY Lightning home game. I have no idea about ticket availability, and I have to imagine these seats are as close as you can get to physically sitting on the roof of the building, but at six bucks each? Who cares. I don’t live anywhere near Florida and this deal might be worth it to me.

(I have to wonder, though, where those extra home games are coming from what with Tampa starting the season in Europe and the season only giving you 41 home games, but regardless, this is a tremendous deal.)

And it’s not like the Bolts were having attendance problems either. According to ESPN.com, the Lightning averaged 91.4 percent capacity last year even before anyone down there had Seen Stamkos or all the buzz new ownership/coach buzz.

The only thing that rivals this was back in 1999 when the Minnesota Twins were selling season tickets at $99 per (for 81 home games!) AND gave you a Kirby Puckett autographed bat which was worth anywhere from $100-400.

This really is very awesome. Well done, Lightning. (I don’t say that often.)

Yeah, not in Tampa I haven't.

In what is arguably the most important preseason in franchise history — new owners, new coach, new contract for your franchise center, and the No. 1 overall pick in the draft — the Tampa Bay Lightning have gone above and beyond in their attempt to sell hockey to locals. The first camp in which newly signed rookie sensation Steven Stamkos will participate is taking place in Victoria, British Columbia.

THE TAMPA BAY LIGHTNING PROSPECTS ARE IN TOWN AT BEAR MOUNTAIN ARENA THIS WEEK.

ONE OF THE HIGHLIGHTS OF THE CAMP IS NHL FIRST OVERALL DRAFT PICK, STEVEN STAMKOS.

WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE CANUCK’S PICK IN CODY HODGESON, STAMKOS SAID HODGSON “HAS A WELL ROUNDED GAME” AND HE “WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF HE STEPS IN AND MAKES IT RIGHT AWAY.”

THE PROSPECT CAMP CONTINUES THROUGH THE WEEK AT BEAR MOUNTAIN ARENA AND IS OPEN AND FREE TO THE PUBLIC.

- SONJA JENSEN

That’s some damn fine work, Sonja. Irritating caps lock use and poor grammar and spelling aside, the logical step was to ask Stamkos about a player against whom he has played only a few times: the Canucks first-round pick Cody Hodgson (note lack of superfluous E, Ms. Jensen)?

On the day he signed his first professional contract, which can pay him up to $8.55 million in bonuses over the bredth of its three years, Stamkos is fielding questions about Cody F’ing Hodgson?

The question I have is why the Bolts, who should be making sure everyone within 50 miles of the St. Pete Times Forum has indeed Seen Stamkos, wouldn’t hold camp somewhere that’s, say, within 3,000 miles of the home market. I understand Len Barrie was born in nearby Kimberly, B.C., but I don’t think a week-long prospect camp is going to turn any British Columbia residents into Bolts fans and that seems like it should be the goal here, no? It’s as crazy as the Canucks holding rookie camp in Pinellas Park.

Maybe now he can afford some cordless controllers

Not unlike Terrell Owens, Vinny Lecavalier has 85 million reasons to love Tampa. The Bolts have signed the franchise center, admittedly one of the best players alive, to a front-loaded 11-year deal that will pay him an average of $7.37 million a year and also features a no movement clause.

“It feels really nice,” said Lecavalier, who will meet with season-ticket holders and fans Tuesday. “I started my career here, and we had a few rough years, then we win the Stanley Cup to being in last place last year. But I truly believe we have a bright future and I’m excited to be a part of it. I love Tampa, I’ve always said that.”

That deal looks fantastic right now. Less than $7.4 million for Lecavalier, who’s scored 200 points over the last two seasons, is a steal. But he’s 28 years old, and that no movement clause means Tampa will be saddled with that contract when he’s up into his late 30s.

It’s strange, people jumped all over Garth Snow for signing Rick DiPietro for 15 years, and rightfully so, but there’s not a ton of outrage over this insane Lecavalier contract. At least goalies traditionally hold up in some fashion into their late 30s, as opposed to power forwards, and at least DiPi’s cap hit is only $3.5 million per.

This might be the worst contract of the New NHL, and no one’s talking about it. They will be in six years when Vinny starts slowing down and still has five years of movement-free checks to cash.

With this new ownership group, it’s really no surprise that I’ve used the tags “Tampa Bay Lightning” and “Insane signings” together more than once.

Swing by the Tampa Bay Lightning’s site and you will be treated with a wonderful flash intro.

OWNERS TO UNITE US!

A COACH TO IGNITE US!

PLAYERS TO EXCITE US!

My game. My team. My town.

Not only is the intro shoddily put together (you can see the click-and-drag cursor when they scroll over the shot of the arena), it’s also factually incorrect.

The owners, of course, will try to unite the team, now that they shipped out that big crybaby Dan Boyle.

Dan Boyle wanted it clear: He “absolutely loves Tampa” and wishes the Lightning “absolutely the best.”

But when it comes to the way Friday’s trade to the Sharks was handled by new owners Oren Koules and Len Barrie, Boyle said, “I was misled, lied to and completely disrespected.”

That’s a good way to start.

As for the coach to excite us, Barry Melrose is, by all accounts, an unsatisfactory coach. In two and a half years with the Kings, he went an outstanding 82-103-31 (a whopping .415 winning percentage!). Great news for a team that went 31-42-9 (.433) last year and finished dead last in the league and has terribly misused its money and resources so far this summer.

And the players to excite us? Vinny Lecavalier, Steven Stamkos and Martin St. Louis certainly fit the bill, and you can make an argument for Vinny Prospal. But I’m a big-time hockey fans, and still cannot possibly get excited about Gary Roberts, Olaf Kolzig and Ryan Craig. Cannot possibly.

The Lightning might be fun to watch this year, and there are certainly enough likable players on the team that we want to see them succeed, but I don’t think this flash intro is really going to stoke season ticket sales.