The Two-Line Pass

The Lead

For the Pittsburgh Penguins, this journey began on a Saturday, Oct. 4 at 2:30 in the afternoon. At least back in home in the Eastern time zone. But they were, instead, playing the Ottawa Senators at 8:30 p.m. Stockholm time, 4100 miles from home.

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The Lead

Forget all the dickpunching and whining and diving for which Sidney Crosby’s been called out lately. It’s become quite clear that the guy plays with a different rulebook than most other NHL players, and that’s just one of those things you have to accept as a fact of life. It’s the same reason elite pitchers get strike zones you could drive a truck through and NBA defenses couldn’t properly cover Michael Jordan.

So when Crosby reached out and poked at an Evgeni Malkin knuckleball that was dangerously close to being a high stick and scored the against Buffalo in overtime to win 4-3, was there any doubt whatsoever that the goal would stand?

It was a marginal call to be sure. One of those ones where Penguins fans would likely see it as close but clearly a legal play while Sabres fans broke down the footage like the Zapruder Film. It would, of course, be very difficult to make a proper judgment given the available angles. But because of the Crosby factor, what the hell, let’s call it a goal and hit the bar. The officials could huddle around monitors or get the war room in Toronto breaking everything down, but the eventual result, regardless of whether or not it was a high stick, was so plain. It’s not like this was Ryan Stone tipping a puck home. Crosby hadn’t scored in nine games and why not, right? The Pens needed the win anyways.

I’m not even saying it wasn’t a goal or, even if he had played it with a high stick, there was sufficient evidence to overrule the call on the ice. I like Crosby just fine and I have no love for either the Sabres or Penguins. But this is the kind of thing that stokes the ever-burning fires of deep-seated Crosby hatred among NHL fans, particularly those in the Eastern Conference. The calls always go the Kid’s way and they always will. Everyone just needs to accept that. We’ll all be better people for it.

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In one of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette stories about Sidney Crosby once again delivering season tickets by hand, it was mentioned that Sidney Crosby will be living with Mario Lemieux and his family. Again. For the fourth year in a row.

“I’ve been looking for a place for the last year, but I haven’t found anything I’m quite ready for yet,” Crosby said after spending time at the Mt. Lebanon home of David and Mary Disney, original Penguins season-ticket holders dating to 1967.

Come on, Sid. You’re a rich young man. It’s okay to move out on your own.

At some point, the Lemieuxseses are going to have to consider this creepy, right? Who wants a 21-year-old best hockey player in the world walking around their kitchen eating Captain Crunch with Crunchberries every morning in his pajama bottoms? Let’s face it, at this point Crosby is an unwelcome house guest. He laughs too loud at tivo’ed episodes of Two and a Half Men, drinks orange juice straight out of the bottle and leaves the seat up. He sings Motown songs offkey in the shower and calls Mr. and Mrs. Lemieux “mom and dad.” He also hangs around creepily when Lemieux’s teenage daughters have sleepovers, awkwardly injecting himself into the conversation with things like, “So uh, what’s goin on with you guys?”

The kid’s going to make $9 million this year in NHL salary alone, never mind endorsements and everything else. NINE MILLION! I doubt he can’t find the house he wants for that kind of money. Looks like someone’s got serious issues with letting go.

This picture is in the top drawer of every Pens executive's desk for massively inappropriate reasons.

The picture I have in my head of what goes on all day in the Penguins front office. It’s everyone just constantly reloading Sid Crosby’s Myspace and Facebook pages for updates. This is the stalker-level love the organization seems to have for him.

For further proof, witness this tidbit mentioned in passing by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette on the Pens breaking ground on their new rink:

With Mario Lemieux appropriately at the center of the line, officials from government and the Penguins ceremonially broke ground on a new hockey arena today, using shovels with shafts made from star Sidney Crosby’s sticks.

Creepers.

The sticks were probably also cut with his skates, and the dirt was composed of his infinite love. The arena’s ice will also be made from his sweat and the seats will be filled by his rugged good looks.

Settling for league MVP is not nearly as cool as a made up award no one cares about

Earlier this week came news that the Penguins retained 99 percent of their season ticket holders from last season despite heavy free agent losses. Had many of those fans held off another week, maybe they would’ve jumped that extra one percent.

ESPN, great arbiter of all things hockey, has named Sidney Crosby the best player in the sport as part of its annual ESPY Awards, mainly because it would be hard pressed to name another one. Crosby beat out Alex Ovechkin, Jarome Iginla, Pavel Datsyuk and teammate Evgeni Malkin for the award, an event so momentous it garnered him almost a quarter of a sentence on ESPN.com.

Other repeat winners were: Sidney Crosby (Best NHL Player), Norm Duke (Best Bowler), Floyd Mayweather (Best Fighter) and Maria Sharapova (Best Female Tennis Player).

Wow, mentioned next to a bowler! Hockey’s really moving up in the world after the ESPN ombudsman said the league was being unfairly under-covered early last season. None of that, I’m sure, has to do with Jason Chung’s wonderful, spot-on criticism of the Worldwide Leader’s hockey coverage.
Meanwhile, a deer won Versus’ “Best Victim of Barbaric Redneck Ritual” award for the show ‘North American Hunters.’