For real if I controlled an army (one day, Lambert, one day…) I’d be parachuting my troops into Colorado like Red Dawn right this very second.
Last night I didn’t happen to write about the NHL because a. I was busy freaking out over one of the best Lost episodes ever, and b. I was crying.
Well, not really on that second one. Calgary, thanks to its inevitable loss to San Jose plus Colorado’s shootout win in Vancouver, where they hadn’t won all season, was eliminated from the playoffs. I saw it coming. Any idiot on the planet had to have seen it coming. This whole season was an unmitigated disaster from the word go for reasons I won’t get into here, both for the sake of brevity and my sanity, so yeah, not making the playoffs was an eventuality for which I’d been preparing myself for some time.
I don’t even begrudge Colorado, a team I normally can’t stomach and which had been playing terrible hockey for like a month or whatever, making the playoffs in Calgary’s place. Whatever. Hell, the fact that the win was in a shootout didn’t bother me that much, so you know for sure that I was pretty much not all that concerned.
But now the Avs have to go and lose to Edmonton tonight? Really? The OILERS!? The EDMONTON Oilers!? Now that’s something over which I’m pretty goddamn well upset. This is the universe screwing with me, right? Yeah, Craig Anderson played the more important and less-winnable of the two games of this all-road back-to-back, and therefore Petr Budaj, who sucks and is terrible, had to go tonight. But five goals on FORTY-FIVE shots? Whaaaaaat the hell, man. It’s like this night was specifically designed to piss me off. Well, National Hockey League, mission freakin’ accomplished.
The only solace I take is that everyone on the Avalanche is gonna get their heads handed to ‘em by Chicago in about a week’s time. Four games and out. Book it. That’s going to be awesome. They deserve it for losing to the Oilers.
Blackhawks! Avenge me! Avenge me!
New York Rangers 5, Toronto 1
Even Aaron Voros had a goal tonight. I think I read he’s been a healthy scratch for 40 games this season. Something crazy like that. Also I’m pretty sure this loss guarantees Toronto finishes in 29th place, which sucks for them but not so much for me because my life is immeasurably worse.
Detroit 4, Columbus 3
Jimmy Howard gave up three goals on 24 shots and still got the win. Last night on Twitter some idiot was trying to tell me that Howard deserves the Calder more than Tuukka Rask, who is first in the league in both GAA and save percentage. Because he has more wins. Yeah guess how many games Rask woulda won playing for a team with an offense like Detroit’s: all of ‘em.
Chicago 6, St. Louis 5
Keith Tkachuk retired. I am very sad about this.
Phoenix 5, Nashville 2
Wojtek Wolski had a goal and an assist for the Coyotes. He has 6-10-16 and five multi-point nights in 16 games since he was traded there. That deal is working well for Phoenix, I think.