The Two-Line Pass

So not only did the Oilers drop a 10-2 decision to Buffalo the other night, but they also would prefer it if you didn’t write songs that make this point repeatedly.

After that hilarious eight-goal loss, Calgary’s radio station, the FAN960 produced a parody version of The Kinks’ “Lola” (it appears to have been yanked, for some reason) that interspersed clips of Craig MacTavish talking about what an unmitigated the game was, refering to the amount of times the puck got past an Edmonton goalie, and, as a finale, simply repeating the word “losers” over and over. Obviously, laughs all around.

But, according to my buddies over at OilersNation (p.s. FlamesNation starts Sunday, a day that people surely will not have their minds on a sport other than hockey!), this song didn’t sit so well with some of the Oilers front office folk.

According to Robin Brownlee, a longtime member of the Edmonton press and OilersNation contributor, Oilers VP of communications and broadcast Allan Watt got all upset when Brownlee and host Jason Gregor had a good chuckle over the song on Edmonton’s TEAM 1260.

Not long after, we got a call from producer Will Fraser at TEAM 1260 and he told us Allan Watt, the Oilers vice-president of communications and broadcast, had phoned to complain and that he’d also contacted several other stations demanding they not play it.
Last time I checked, the Oilers didn’t have a rightsholder agreement with Astral Media and have no right to try to dictate what goes on the air at TEAM 1260 and other Astral stations.

Which, of course, proves that not only are the Oilers an horrendously bad team, they also can’t take a joke. What a bunch of clowns.

Why should the Oilers not be subject to criticism and mockery JUST BECAUSE they lost a game 10-2?

The Lead

What a zany night in Columbus.

Blue Jackets lead by two, Oilers score four straight, Blue Jackets come back with two goals in 54 seconds to tie and then win it with 1:09 to play in regulation. Neither team had the desire to play anything resembling defense, and the Blue Jackets won 5-4.

Not sure what I thought would happen going into a Columbus/Edmonton game featuring Steve Mason and Dwayne Roloson between the pipes, but this was weird even by those standards. If you’re like me and you enjoy a team grinding out 2-1 Ws more than a 13-12 shootout win, this clearly wasn’t the game for you headed into the night, but there was something about the game that had me intrigued.

The game also happened to be the NHL debut of Columbus netminder Steve Mason, who proved not totally incompetent in net. I’m sure that’s a welcome change of pace for the Blue Jackets after that debacle of a performance that Freddy Norrena handed in for most of the team’s overtime loss to the Islanders the other night. I mean, sure, he gave up four goals to the Oilers, who aren’t exactly running the same type of offensive dynamo as the mid-’80s iteration of the team, but most of the goals he did give up (particularly the one to Ethan Moreau, of all people) were absolutely ridiculous snipes.

At the other end of the ice, Dwayne Roloson was a trainwreck. Apart from the very pretty snapper from Kristian Huselius that drew first blood and Derek Brassard’s goal on an odd-man rush, the Blue Jackets scored on nothing but second and third chances that, in most cases, Rolie probably should’ve held onto. He made 33 saves, but if he actually held onto two or three of them, the Oil would’ve walked away with an easy win. Things are never easy in Edmonton, but this would be a much better team if their goalies’ collective goalie stats weren’t 3.00/.899. The fact that seven of their 12 games this season have been decided by one goal is incredible enough, but they’ve been fortunate to go 5-0-1 in those before tonight, and that kind of “success” (it’s luck, really) doesn’t last forever.

To be fair, though, the defending tonight was a total gong show for both teams, but especially so for Edmonton on Manny Malhotra’s game-winner. You have to watch a looooooooot of hockey to see 3-on-2 defense that’s that bad from an NHL team. Honestly, an incredible amount. Both D corps were almost criminally negligent on at least two goals apiece tonight. Kyle Brodziak’s first goal of the year came when he was left alone in the slot for what must have, to Mason, felt like an hour and the low breakdown on Moreau’s shorty was equally bad. For Edmonton, the comedy of errors was highlighted by Malhotra’s late dagger, but not to be forgotten is the standing-around in which the Oilers’ defense engaged for Huselius’ goal. Had the Souray-Staios pairing had pockets in their hockey pants, their hands would have been firmly planted in them. Despite all that stellar defense though, the power plays were still ineffective, going a combined 2 for 11.

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Jason Gregor shares a wonderful story over at Oilers Nation about the Oilers’ days training in Jasper, Saskatchewan. There’s a lot of regular-ol’ hockey talk, but then there’s also the heartwarming tale of Dustin Penner’s desire to scare the living piss out of all of his teammates.

And that’s where you get the No. 1 sure-fire untoppable Quote of the Year, at least until Sean Avery says something about a Sportsnet anchor.

“I dressed up as the guy from Saw. I was grocery shopping at Save On Foods and saw the mask at the check out counter. It was $14.99, but when I swiped my card I got it for $13.99. I couldn’t afford not to buy it,” said Penner.

I mean, how do you top that?

The reactions reportedly ranged from the understandable (Ethan Moreau flat out tried to strangle him) to the hilarious (Ladislav Smid screaming for roommate Denis Grebeshkov, “Grebby, Grebby, help!”).

That Dustin Penner is a real yukkster. An overpaid yukkster, but a yukkster nonetheless.

We’re now something like six days out from the start of the NHL season, which means I have to kick these season previews into overdrive because I’m a lazy idiot. This is mainly for two reasons: 1) I am lazy and there’s no way I’ll do one of these every day, and 2) These started early enough that if I just stop doing them entirely you’ll have forgotten by October anyway. Oh and I guess also to show off my near-infinite knowledge of the National Hockey League. I’ll be previewing the teams in reverse order of finish in the 2007-08 season. Please note, though, that this is the opinion of one man, however smart and handsome he may be.

Edmonton Oilers, you’re on the clock.

Note: In the interest of full disclosure, I am and have always been a Flames fan.

Here, then, is the most improved team in the NHL. Maybe not points-wise, but certainly personnel-wise.

Edmonton’s power play was just awful last year (16.6 percent) and as a consequence, it often relied upon its team’s incredible abilities to get to and then win the shootout over the last several years. It’s an often-repeated stat, but were it not for the shootout/overtime loss loser point, the team wouldn’t have even made the playoffs in 2005-06 when it went to the Stanley Cup Final.

More after the jump.

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When you’re around NHL players a lot, you find out that there are indeed cities, teams and individual players that they just don’t like. The perception that fans can get is sometimes overblown (most guys in the NHL don’t really mind Sean Avery, for example), and sometimes it’s spot-on.

And if you ever considered that Chris Pronger might have really, really hated his time in Edmonton, but never had confirmation, don’t worry. Pronger has now confirmed that he really, really hated his time in Edmonton.

In an otherwise bland Q&A with the Orange County Register (even their website suffers from “The OC” disorder), Pronger offered this gem.

Q: Are there teams you can’t stand to play?

A: You mean, like, I want to puke when I see their players? There’s quite a few of those in the league … there’s a number of cities you want to get in and out. Edmonton’s one of them.

I guarantee that the much-heralded Oilogosphere will be positively seething after this one. Ingrates, all of them. Think about it like this: GETTING Pronger cost almost nothing. Jeff Woywitka, Eric Brewer and Doug Lynch isn’t too bad a price. WITH Pronger, Edmonton was within a Dwayne Roloson injury of winning the Cup. And OFFLOADING Pronger yielded a very good young defenseman in Ladislav Smid, Joffrey Lupul, a first-round pick in 2007 and 2008, and a 2008 second-round pick (which later went to the Islanders in the Ryan Smyth trade).

Lupul plus an aging Jason Smith were eventually traded to Philadelphia for Geoff Sanderson, Joni Pitkanen, and a third-round pick. Pitkanen, in turn, was flipped to Carolina for Erik Cole.

This was the net result of all those trades.

Out:

• Anaheim’s 2007 first-round pick (Nick Ross to Phoenix)
• Edmonton’s 2007 second-round pick (Joel Gistedt)
• Jeff Woywitka, Eric Brewer, Doug Lynch (to St. Louis)
• Jason Smith

In:

• Dallas’ 2007 first-round pick, from Phoenix (Riley Nash)
• Ladislav Smid
• Erik Cole
• Anaheim’s 2008 first-round pick (Jordan Eberle)
• A Cup run

Believe me, you guys made out okay there, so just shut up already about Chris Pronger.

The Edmonton Journal’s David Staples had an interesting blog post on Ales Hemsky’s contract, and why it is one of the best pieces of business Kevin Lowe did during his tenure as the Oilers’ general manager.

Here, he says, is a guy that’s scored close to a point a night when he’s been healthy over the last three years, and he’s locked up for another two seasons at an affordable $4.1 million dollars. That’s pretty good. Several fantasy hockey guides are also expecting him to have a breakout offensive year, which would only help the much-improved Oilers.

But here’s what Staples worries about: the team’s ability to protect Hemsky.

But when Pronger left, so did much of team’s edge.

Since then, in the past two years, Hemsky has taken a number of savage hits, many of them illegal late hits, partly because of his propensity to overhandle the puck, which gives time for various thugs to line him up, but also because other teams have feared no retribution.

Thus, Staples posits, Hemsky’s going to play like 50 games before someone drills him badly. It’s already happened a lot of times. A Youtube search for “Hemsky hit” bears that out. “Nasty hit on Ales Hemsky by Robyn Regehr,” “Boogaard vs. Edmonton, Hemsky,” “Ott hits Hemsky,” “Ohlund hit on Hemsky,” Beachemin hit on Hemsky.” That’s Hemmer getting roughed up by some big, mean boys.

It might be a little unfair to put Edmonton’s offensive hopes all on Hemsky, but if he goes down (and should he keep taking hits like that, he will), the Oilers aren’t exactly going to be overflowing with offensively gifted players. Zach Stortini isn’t a good enough thug to be a deterrent.

Mustache Hall of Famer, maybe.

Local columnists are always hilarious.

Whether they’re touting their No. 2 right wing who has 50 points as league MVP because he “works hard” or bemoaning that Mats Sundin doesn’t want to play in (insert city Mats Sundin would never want to play in), their homeriffic views are always good for a chuckle.

And as far as stultifying homerism goes, no one’s better than the Edmonton media. That’s why the Edmonton Journal’s Jim Matheson’s idea that the entire league should take the night off when GLENN FREAKING ANDERSON’S goes into the Hall of Fame is so adorable.

The NHL keeps insisting it will do the right thing and not schedule any games on Hockey Hall of Fame induction day in Toronto in November.

But it’s all lip service.

Last year, the league had five games on tap, including the Pittsburgh Penguins playing on the night Ron Francis, one of their storied players, was inducted into the Hall.

This year, on Glenn Anderson’s big night — Nov. 10 — the Edmonton Oilers are in New York to face the Rangers.

The Oilers and the Rangers are the only two teams Anderson won Stanley Cups with (five in Edmonton, one with the Rangers).

Why can’t the league go dark on the night they honour their greatest players?

Because Glenn Anderson is not one of the league’s greatest players. Less than a point a game as a right wing on THOSE Edmonton and Ranger teams? The gall it takes to compare him to Ron Francis, who had almost 1800 career points (699 more than Anderson) with so-so help around him much of the time, is incredible.

Now, allow me to play devil’s advocate for the Hall of Fame and the NHL here. There are only two games on the schedule that night, the aforementioned Oiler-Ranger tilt, and a sure-to-be-scintillating Lightning-Caps game on Versus. Now, would it maybe make sense for the Versus game to be changed to the Oiler-Ranger meeting in New York? Sure, why not? But should the league, who can’t draw viewers to Versus, give up its one nationally televised game of the week for the benefit GLENN ANDERSON? Be sure to let the Caps and Lightning fans know that their game won’t be on TV because of a second-liner on the 1986 Oilers.

And just in case you think this is another anti-Oiler rant, Igor Larionov going into the Hall stinks from a North American standpoint, but he at least scored 434 points in Russia before the iron curtain fell.

"What do you mean I'm fi.. Director, you say?"

When you do as poor a job of being your team’s general manager over as many years as Kevin Lowe has, it shouldn’t be a surprise when you lose your job.

And if you work for a competent organization, you’re probably going to be escorted from the building carrying a box with your nameplate sticking out of it. Luckily for Kevin Lowe, the Oilers are not a competent organization.

The Edmonton Oilers have announced significant changes to their Hockey Operations Department, naming Kevin Lowe as the team’s President of Hockey Operations.  As President of Hockey Operations, Lowe has named Steve Tambellini as the team’s new General Manager.  In addition, long-time Vice-President of Hockey Operations, Kevin Prendergast, has been named Assistant General Manager.

Lowe, the Oilers’ first NHL draft choice in 1979, has been an integral part of the Oilers, as a player, coach, Executive Vice-President and General Manager for over 25 years.

Tambellini had been the assistant GM with the Canucks, and has been with the organization since 1990. Many Canucks fans were fearful of the day Tambellini, who largely oversaw Vancouver’s drafts the last few years, left the organization to be GM somewhere else. The fact that it’s in the Canucks’ division makes it much, much worse.

My bet: First thing the Oilers do is trade the farm for Jeff Tambellini.

The downside to all this is, of course, that Lowe will no longer be able to feud with Brian Burke.

By the way, here is my favorite part of the press release, which was obviously written by some sort of madman who broke into the Oilers’ offices, subdued everyone with some sort of knockout gas, and typed nonsense into every open Word file on anyone’s computers:

Considered as one of the NHL’s top executives, Kevin most recently helped guide the Oilers to the 2006 Stanley Cup Finals.

If Heath Ledger wasn’t dead, we’d have a prime suspect.

This picture wasn't taken in Edmonton's future

If you believe the Edmonton Sun, long gone are the days of players eschewing the Oilers to go to hockey hotbeds like Washington, as Michael Nylander did two seasons ago.

Erik Cole is now a golden god, instead of a mere Stanley Cup winner, because he’s been traded to the City of Champions.

When the Carolina Hurricanes traded Erik Cole to Edmonton, Cole immediately traded in his role as a largely ignored athlete in a third-tier sport.

He’s an Oiler now. That means he’s a rock star.

He won’t be playing fifth fiddle to NCAA basketball, NASCAR racing, NFL Football, and the occasional dog-fighting ring.

Cole could best be said to be putting a good face on a rather bad situation (Edmonton, yeesh), and Carolina’s certainly in the middle of something of a crisis. Only 10 percent of North Carolina residents would go to a Canes game over the Charlotte Bobcats, UNC or Duke basketball, NASCAR, or the Carolina Panthers.

Good news now for Cole’s family though:

“My kids are really excited that they’re going to see a winter. I called my daughter yesterday and told her we were here and the first thing she asked was how much snow is there. I told her it won’t snow till late October or November, then you’ll be able to go outside and play in it.”

What he didn’t tell her about was a little stretch called January and February. As one former HFBoards poster once eloquently said of E-Town, “Poor people die in the streets there because of cold and ice bears.”

Aw yeah son, the long-broiling feud between Edmonton GM Kevin Lowe and Anaheim GM Brian Burke came to another head this week when both took shots at the other through the press, again.

Some history: Lowe and Burke famously completed the deal that brought Chris Pronger to the Ducks and pretty much shored up a Stanley Cup for the franchise, but they’ve since fallen out. See, Lowe poached restricted free agent Dustin Penner from the Ducks with a ridiculous $21.25 million, five-year contract last summer. Lowe also offered Buffalo star Tom Vanek a deal that topped $7 million a year, which the Sabres had to match. That’s where Burke began to regard Lowe as being TOTALLY wack!

Burke was incensed, and calling the Edmonton GM things like, “gutless.” He also said Lowe’s management drove Edmonton “into the sewer” and that the Penner contract was a “grenade” to the rest of the league. Lowe responded by calling Burke a “blowhard” and an “egomaniac.”

Edmonton coach Craig MacTavish considered the whole thing grand theater at the time.

The feud simmered over the course of this season, but was brought to a boil once again last week, when Anaheim signed forward Corey Perry to a pricey deal. That prompted Burke to complain about the elimination of the theoretical “second contract” for RFAs.

“They’re all being re-signed at inflated prices,” Burke said. “Everything I said a year ago has come true. Every single word.

“Most [general] managers don’t like starting fights with any other managers. . . . Thanks to the Edmonton Oilers, the second contract [for players] has disappeared.

“You go right now from entry-level to what used to be the third contract, thanks to two offer sheets from Kevin Lowe.”

A childish response, sure, but what about Lowe? That’s right, he got on Team 1260 and SO went there!

“Where do I begin?,” started Lowe. “He’s a moron, first of all. Secondly, he really believes that any news for the NHL is good news. Thirdly, he loves the limelight and I don’t think anyone in hockey will dispute that. Lastly, he’s in a pathetic hockey market where they can’t get on any page of the newspaper let alone the front page of the sports, so any of this stuff carries on.”

Aw yeah! But Lowe went on to dis Burke even harder:

“I remember (L.A. Kings general manager) Dean Lombardi last summer saying to me, ‘You guys are (just) putting this on, you’re not really feeling this way. The NHL likes this stuff, they want to create a little angst in the media and stuff and get some headlines?’” recalled Lowe.

“I said, ‘No Dean, this is real.’ He was shocked that this was going on but Burkie loves the limelight. He’s all bluff and loud and Mac T (head coach Craig MacTavish) said it best - he’s like the Wizard of Oz, you pull the curtains away and there’s not much substance.”

No he didn’t!

It’s too bad Gary Bettman had to step in and tell both of them to stop attempting to serve each other. We were anxiously awaiting the Ducks vs. Oilers break dancing competition that would surely have followed.