The Two-Line Pass

The Lead

On Feb. 20, Dallas had a 77.52 percent chance of making the playoffs.

It is now 12:53 a.m. on March 31, just 38 days later, and the Stars have about a .37 or so percent chance of making it thanks to tonight’s 6-5 overtime loss to Phoenix, which might be the worst team in the league right now.

There are a lot of reasons why Dallas tanked it so god damn hard. The first, and most understandable, are the injuries to several important players, like Brad Richards and a couple others. The second is that a couple of teams, most notably those in the Central Division, have really turned it on of late.

But the most obvious (and least surprising, really) is the fact that goaltending is a killing them. Marty Turco’s a bum. A total bum who has cost his team almost literally any hope of a playoff berth. To wit, he has played in 17 of Dallas’ 19 games since the 4-2 win over Edmonton on Feb. 19. His GAA is 3.05 (obviously terrible), and his save percentage is .893 (somehow below his already-low season total of .897). As a basis for comparison, those are almost exactly Peter Budaj’s numbers for this year.

This is going to shock you, but because of that (and backup Tobias Stephan, who gave up six on 33 shots tonight and also blew it on March 1 when he gave up four goals on 23 shots to Pittsburgh), the Stars are 4-12-3 in the past 38 days. Which is hilarious and sad.

Now that the Rangers are playing vaguely well, can we just admit that Sean Avery was never a problem for the Stars and it was, in fact, all Marty Turco’s fault all along?

Because it was. Because he suuuuuuuuuuuucks.

(By the way, it is very rare that I get to use the “LOL Marty Turco” tag in reference to nights where he didn’t play. I am very glad for this opportunity.)

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The Lead

It must be confusing as hell to cover the Sedins. The Stars had a bit of trouble with it tonight. It’s like the opening of the Patty Duke Show, only with Swedish guys. And goatees. And less choreography.

Those rascally boys combined for three goals and two assists as the Canucks pounded Dallas tonight 5-2.

The best part was when Mark Fistric high-sticked Daniel right in the kisser, knocking out a tooth or two and bloodying him up. Daniel then scored on a very nice redirect on that same power play before heading to the dressing room to get stitched up. That’s badass. Earlier in the game, Henrik caught a stick in the noodle as well. I’d like to see Patty Duke pull that off.

Another rad part of the game was when Steve Ott stepped out of the penalty box and low-bridged the absolute piss out of Taylor Pyatt (as he is wont to do), and Kevin Bieksa basically threatened to murder him in the resulting scrum. I wish more people would deal with Ott this way.

But then Ott did not get much in the way of retaliation, unfortunately. Marty Turco did instead, mainly because he came out to play the puck along the sideboards, turned his body to protect it from a coming forechecker (I believe it was Darcy Hordichuk), and promptly got cleaned out from behind. It was hilarious.

Then the Canucks broke it open in the third period and Ryan Kesler scored a gorgeous goal, his second of the night after getting his head stepped on, and Dallas completely imploded. Turco ended up giving up four goals on 21 shots.

I know that, as a Flames fan, I shouldn’t be rooting for the Canucks to win, but this game was so awesome I don’t care.

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The Lead

Whatever the opposite of a goaltending battle is, Versus viewers were subjected to one tonight.

Sure, you can argue that there were a few highlight reel saves and that as a result it’s reasonable to surmise that despite allowing nine goals on 79 shots, both Chris Osgood and Marty Turco weren’t quite so bad as perhaps the statistics would lead one to believe.

You, of course, would be horribly wrong, because both the goals AND the ridiculous stops were the result of neither goalie participating in anything resembling sound positional goaltending. Go look at the highlights. What’s Turco thinking on that first goal? The announcer says it was a deflection, but it wasn’t. On the second goal, Turco overcommits to the puck carrier, Pavel Datsyuk, who once again owned him in a consistent and thorough manner all night. As for the Red Wings’ goaltending, the first two Stars goals were through screens, so no fault of Osgood’s there, but the rest of them.. yeesh.

I have never been a goalie at any level of competitive hockey, but I have to assume that, if I were, it would be a bad thing for me to be lying four feet outside of my crease when the opponent scores an overtime game-winner against me. Right? Maybe any readers out there who are goalies can fill me in.

This game would make a perfect instructional video for every goalie under the age of 10 to learn what not to do. “See, Billy, unlike Marty Turco, you DON’T want try to glove a weak wrist shot and have it hit you in the mask twice in one period.”

Man, I’d make such a good peewee coach.

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The Lead

If Sean Avery really wants to help his team, he could get suspended before every game.

Despite Calgary having a large advantage in time of possession, shots and bulletin board material, the Stars improbably cobbled together their second consecutive win for the first time all year and handed Calgary just its fourth loss at home, 3-1.

In the first period especially, Calgary controlled much of the game’s tempo and flow, and Mike Cammalleri was making phenomenal passes every shift. But Flames forwards seemingly had no interest in putting their stick on the ice while in the slot and all the heroics went for nought. Shots after one period read 9-5 for Calgary, but it could’ve easily been 15 had the Flames not been so careless. Consequently, the 1-0 scoreline for Dallas, courtesy of a goal from Toby Petersen of all people, was more than a little frustrating.

The Flames did, however, capitalize on the only power play Dallas gave them all night, with David Moss scoring one second after Stephane Robidas finished serving a penalty (he hadn’t even gotten both feet out of the box yet) to level the game at 1:44 of the second period.

Marty Turco eventually turned aside 27 more shots over the final two periods, many from in close but none particularly threatening, and finished the night stopping 36 of 37. Fabian Brunnstrom’s goal at 7:53 of the second proved the eventual game-winner. Loui Eriksson added an empty netter.

Here’s why this was SUCH an impressive performance from the Stars: with the Sean Avery suspension, Dallas had just enough bodies to dress 18 skaters, 11 forwards and seven defensemen. That the Stars outworked the Flames in such a situation was a small miracle, that they won was a big one. They took one penalty all game, and while it cost them, it’s pretty impressive considering they came in averaging 17.6 penalty minutes per game, sixth most in the league.

The goals came from Petersen, who had just one coming into the game, and Brunnstrom, who had played just 1:16 in the Stars’ previous game. Dave Tippet has to be happy with the way the team responded to such adversity. The Suspension, injuries, a season of poor play and worse special teams numbers could have had the Stars hanging their heads and ready to get steamrolled. But they ground out an unlikely win at Calgary, and that has to feel great.

Now then, a word on the real headline from the Calgary/Dallas game: Sean Avery and the “sloppy seconds” comment.

Who cares?

Okay that was two words, but it’s pretty hard to condense it from there. Perhaps “So?” would have worked. Here’s why it’s ludicrous. Avery is suspended INDEFINITELY for a comment to the press, while Chris Pronger is free to elbow and stomp on whomever he likes with, y’know, general impunity. Sometimes he doesn’t even get suspended for it.

It reminds me of an old Avery interview I read from Player Magazine, wherein Avery is asked what is off limits in his voluminous trashtalking.

PLAYER: A lot of that is trash talking?

SA: Yeah. I guess I know how to hit certain guys’ sore spots.

PLAYER: Are there any rules to that?

SA: Kids are pretty much the only thing that’s off limits for me. Everything else is fair game. Especially wives and girlfriends.

So do you think this is something Avery hasn’t brought up to Dion Phaneuf before, or Mike Komisarek, or Jarret Stoll? You don’t think Avery hasn’t mentioned to each of them, in passing, that he has, in fact, slept with their puckbunny girlfriends? It’s never come up? Please. And I bet they can take it. EVERYONE takes EVERYTHING Avery says with a grain of salt. It’s been that way forever. Why care now?

This is such a ridiculous reputation call that has been snowballing for months, between criticizing individual members of the media, basically calling Bettman an idiot (rightly so, in some cases), flipping off cameras and generally being kind of a dick — all as per his job title, by the way — has finally caught up to him in the league’s eyes. Plus, there’s no precedent for this, so the “throw the book at him!” attitude seems a bit of an overreaction.

Avery’s suspended indefinitely. Meanwhile, Ryan Hollweg played for the Leafs tonight. Who’s worse for the league?

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You’re darn right the Dallas Stars are down with the “hahckey mahm.” You betcha!

(The number on her jersey, by the way, denotes the place her ticket will come in on Nov. 4)

Interesting article in the Dallas Morning News yesterday about what makes the Stars’ organization so player-friendly and successful. Making the playoffs 12 times, winning the division seven times, making the conference finals four times, and winning the Stanley Cup once in 14 years since the move from Minnesota can, in one player’s view, be boiled down to one thing: no mean things are being said.

Turns out the reason Mike Ribeiro hated Montreal so much wasn’t because the media, fans, coaching staff and organization was putting undue pressure on him to perform at a high level on the ice. It was the fact that they made fun of the way he dressed.

He would be insulted and told that’s not how things work in the organization. And he always wondered, what’s the big deal?

When he was traded to the Stars, Ribeiro said he was delighted to find that while there are heavy performance demands, there also is the leeway to tread a path less traveled.

“I just really appreciate the fact that they let me be me,” Ribeiro said. “That makes you more comfortable. That makes you feel a part of the team more.”

That last part sounds an awful lot like something Clay Aiken said a little while ago, no?

Come on Mikey, you’re a hockey player. I’ve been to some games where fans say pretty nasty things about players, and somehow I didn’t picture them running home with tears in their eyes, sobbing into their pillows while their wives rubbed their backs and said, “Don’t you listen to what those mean fans say, honey.”

I mean, who gives a crap that anyone makes fun of the way you dress? When Ribeiro got traded out of Montreal, he was 25 years old. That’s how old I am now. I can honestly say that I haven’t pouted because someone made fun of my hat in quite some time. Other people’s comments shouldn’t make you play with less of an edge.

It also makes you want to do more for the team, he said. So when the coaches ask Ribeiro to grind in the corners, to play more defense, to work on his face-offs, he does just that.

I find it laughable that any player would not want to make himself better simply because someone said his pink shirt looked gay.

The relationship between a player and his organization shouldn’t be this feelings-driven. They’re not buying a puppy (in Ribeiro’s case, probably a bichon frise) together, the latter is paying the former millions of dollars to play a game.

Suck it up, Ribeiro.

P.S. Nice pants, loser.