(This post is not technically part of a fundraiser for 826 Boston, a non-profit tutoring and writing center. But for $50, readers can get me to write anything about hockey they want, so donate today to make me say stuff by clicking here, then providing proof of your contribution. I probably don’t believe the nonsense below, which was requested by Frank Wisniewski.)
You might have seen this earlier in the week but a hockey player was banned from playing at the Chicago Blackhawks’ practice facility for being a no-good-nik.
Did he get drunk on the bench? Remorselessly board an opponent? Start a line brawl? Take a whiz at center ice?
No. What Tim O’Shea did was far, far worse. He expressed concern about the fact that three men had been robbed at gunpoint in the rink’s parking garage. When he sent the lily-livered email to the guy who runs the rink, he was told the issue was being taken seriously, but that:
“As far as your concerns with safety it is the city of Chicago and these things happen all over the place. It is unfortunate but true. If you or your friends are questioning your association with the league due to safety concerns, then I would suggest perhaps the city is not for you and you should look into playing in the suburbs.”
Well, first of all, yes. Look into playing in the suburbs because I bet people don’t get robbed at gunpoint quite so often there as they do in the middle of Chicago, and if that’s what you’re worried about you might as well have a big yellow streak down your back. Also, maybe look into it because I bet the rink managers there aren’t brave men like Johnny’s Ice House general manager Kevin Rosenquist, who is brave.
Also a tough customer? Johnny’s Ice House owner Tom Moro, who apparently instituted the ban himself, then emailed O’Shea the following:
“I informed both of your captains that you are no longer welcome in our buildings. You are a coward Mr. O’Shea, do not ever contact us again or we will inform the police that you are harassing our employees. I hope you enjoyed your 5 minutes of fame.”
First of all, love the use of the word coward to describe O’Shea’s cowardly move. Emailing? Telling the media? No one likes a tattletale, Mr. O’Shea and you should be glad you’re not allowed back there because hockey is not your sport. Stick to basketball because that is the ultimate sport for wusses like you. That’s something Moro feels too, because that email to O’Shea’s captains included the line, “Clearly he is not a hockey player or a man who understands our collegial friendships.”
That’s right. Collegial friendships. If O’Shea were any kind of man, he would be more than happy to face far worse crimes than this to play men’s league with a bunch of super-important and very macho adult gentlemen such as those Moro and Rosenquist, wise arbiters of true masculinity, deem worthy.
Frankly, O’Shea is lucky to have only gotten off with a ban. Before whining to the local media, he clearly forgot the old Confuscian adage, “Snitches get stitches.”
One thing they do not get, however, is robbed at gunpoint.
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