The Lead

Why did Canada ever doubt its World Junior Championship team?

Playing at home against an admittedly stingy but not overly-flashy Sweden team, it seemed like there was a general gnashing of teeth and lamenting of horrible events to come. Even the well-respected James Mirtle was seriously downplaying the idea that Canada, the team that struck goals four times in a row, might actually pull this one out.

The underdog? Please.

Canada positively romped to an almost effortless 5-1 victory. The idea that they would do otherwise, having watched most of both team’s games in this tournament, was ridiculous. So, too, was that idea considering how easily the Canadians handled the Swedes in their pre-tournament matchup which featured John Tavares scoring that goal.

I suppose that the fear that perhaps Jacob Markstrom’s remarkable performance in the lead-up to the final spurred some of the fears, as did Dustin Tokarski’s shaky play in Canada’s goal — his giving up five goals to Russia must have still been fresh in everyone’s mind. But all those worries must have been asuaged when Canada capitalized on an early (and not very smart) penalty to Calgary pick Mikael Backlund gave way to a PK Subban goal that was the result of nothing more than good, ol’ fashioned hard work around the net just 38 seconds into the night.

From that point, Canada had to win. Simply couldn’t have failed. The Swedes never stood a chance. And when Canada saw its lead doubled by three-time Team Canada cut Angelo Esposito just over 3:30 later. It was in the bag then, as Markstrom resorted to diving all over the ice in an hilarious attempt to draw penalties (none of which worked) and Sweden began to lose all manner of composure.

The parade to the box continued unabated throughout the game, but the score remained the same until Cody Hodgson extended the Canadian lead to three early in the third period and send Ottawa’s ScotiaBank Place into a joy bordering on apoplexy. Sweden eventually scored on the power play before surrendering a pair of empty net goals, but this was over well before the second period even began.

It was the freakin’ World Juniors championship game. Canada simply doesn’t lose on that stage. Not to a bunch of Swedes that take too many penalties and put too few shots on net, regardless of how good their defense and goaltending is. Any game Canada would have lost, or indeed even come close to losing, would have been similar to the Russia semifinal: an offensive slugfest. Sweden, luckily, opted to go the trench warfare route, hunkered down in their own zone and played the body rather than the puck. Shockingly, the Soft Europeans quickly found this didn’t work against those Good Canadian Boys (these phrases ™ and © Donald Stewart Cherry). They had to throw that game plan out posthaste and stick to what they were doing back when they were actually successful: getting the puck to the net.

But the Swedes were never going to beat Canada. Of course not. Canada had too much of everything EXCEPT “consistent” goaltending. The offense was never a question and the defense proved itself more than equipped to deal with the only-occasional Swedish attack via physicality or finesse. So if Kotarski, who ended up making 39 saves, was the only question mark, one needed only look back at last year’s Memorial Cup, where he posted a 4-0-0 record thanks to a 1.72/.953 line for Spokane, to see how he plays in big-game situations.

So that’s five straight golds for Canada, and that’s not especially surprising. Neither will the sixth in Saskatoon next year.

Elsewhere (more accurately, your two NHL scores)…

New York Rangers 4, Pittsburgh 0

You knew the Penguins were in trouble when freaking Nigel Dawes (of all people!) scored on a power play exactly one minute into the game. And it only got worse from there. Paul Mara (of all people!!) scored another power play goal in the second, and Chris Drury (of all people!!!) added an even strength goal in the third. Scott Gomez (of all people!!!!) added a shorthanded empty netter. The most riveting fact I can reveal about this game is that the fill-in announcer on Versus was more annoying than Doc Emerick, which is a Sisyphusian task.

Edmonton 3, New York Islanders 2

Oh those Islanders. After they went up 2-0 with three seconds to go in the first period I was all like, “Oh yeah another loss for the Oilers what could possibly go wrong in the remaining 40:03?” Well as it happens, they turned back into the Islanders, who are apparently out to ruin my life. Goals by Kyle Brodziak (ugh), Jason Strudwick (ugh!) and Andrew Cogliano (acceptable) won the game for Edmonton. Dwayne Roloson made 25 saves in the win.

Video quality right now isn’t the best (it’s just of the replay on the jumbotron), but the goal was disgusting. Sadly, it’s still only the second-best goal of the tournament.

With the Canadians up 5-4, USA forward Colin Wilson, who has three goals and three assists in three WJC games to go with the 7-14-21 line he’s amassed in 16 games so far this year at BU, picked up a loose puck in the middle of the slot and had Canada’s Dustin Tokarski dead to rights.

Except not.

Canada went on to win 7-4 after a pair of empty-net goals.

I think Pierre McGuire may have had an orgasm over this save. Not that I blame him.

The Lead

The Sharks are an astonishingly good team, the Red Wings are very good as well. The Blackhawks have a great deal going for them. And all of them pale in comparison with the Boston Bruins, who just two seasons ago finished 23rd in the league.

Tonight, Boston, playing its third road game in four days, dismantled Pittsburgh on the way to a 5-2 victory that came with surgical precision. Every mistake the Penguins made was paid for in blood.

Boston’s first goal came on a second-period power play when the Bruins overloaded the right side of the ice and, after PJ Axelsson mishandled a pass, he faked toward the corner and with the help of a forward down low, drew both Pittsburgh defenders below the faceoff circle and to the left of Marc-Andre Fleury. What every Penguin on the ice missed was Zdeno Chara sneaking onto the backdoor like a shifty forward half his size, that is until he shoveled home a seeing-eye pass from Axelsson to pull the Bruins even. Marc Savard sniped another power play goal a few minutes later to put the Bruins up 2-1.

Soon after, Pascal Dupuis put a slapshot into Mach 5 to beat Tim Thomas high to the glove side and tie the game again, but like using conventional weapons on Godzilla, it only made the Bruins angry. Phil Kessel scored on a tap-in 1:30 later and Martin St. Pierre and Dennis Wideman added third-period insurance goals to ice the game. And it all looked so incredibly easy. Tonight, they SILENCED Sid Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. The former had an assist on the Dupuis goal that was an individual effort, the latter had dick, and they combined for a nice minus-3 rating.

They now have the same number of points (60) as league-leading San Jose, which only leads the league on the formality of its one game in hand, but it’s not too far into the hazy past where San Jose looked all but uncatchable. The reason, of course, is that Boston is now undoubtedly the best team in hockey. In November and December, they lost an incredible TWO games in regulation, and this is a team that got off to a 2-2-3 start. In its last 30 games, Boston is 26-3-1, a winning percentage of .883(!).

The Bruins have scored the most goals (137, five ahead of Detroit and 11 ahead of San Jose), the and allowed the fewest (82, two ahead of San Jose and six ahead of Chicago, both of which have played fewer games).

They have the best goaltending tandem in hockey — Tim Thomas has a line of 2.04/.935 in 22 games and Manny Fernandez has a 2.02/.930 in 16.

They’re arguably as deep at forward as Detroit or San Jose and while they don’t have the singular star power provided by your Crolkins and Semvechkins and Datsutterbergs, you have to feel like the contributions of Marc Savard (12-34-46), David Krejci (13-27-40) and Phil Kessel (23-16-39) are pretty outstanding from any point of view from which you choose to view them. Blake Wheeler and Milan Lucic are playing pretty well too. And that’s not even counting the man-games they’ve lost to injury. Patrice Bergeron’s a guy any GM in the league would take in a heartbeat, and he’s missed the last few games of this nifty little nine-game winning streak the Bruins are on. Chuck Kobasew’s missed 12 games, Marco Sturm’s missed 19, and they’re both worth about .65 points a game. Not that the Bruins need it.

And the Bruins blue line is stacked as well. Zdeno Chara’s reputation speaks for itself. The guy was a Norris finalist last year, he eats big minutes and he’s a phenomenal leader on and off the ice. Dennis Wideman is the most underrated No. 2 defenseman in the National Hockey League, and he has more points than Chara. Aaron Ward has played well when he’s been healthy, Mark Stuart’s developing into a very nice stay-at-home defenseman in his own right, and the rotating collection of youngsters filling in for whichever defenseman is injured on a given night has never looked entirely out of place.

The Bruins have won nine in a row, and all but three of those have been at home. Six of those have been on back-to-back nights. They’ve lost five games in regulation all year. All despite a rash of injuries to several important players. And let’s hear the arguments that someone’s better.

The Bruins played Detroit already and beat them 4-1. No problem. They played Chicago too, controlled the entire game and won in a shootout, 2-1. The result was slightly better than Chicago deserved. They won’t play San Jose until Tuesday Feb. 10 in Boston, but with the way the Sharks are playing lately, they might not even be in this discussion by the time Big Joe Thornton and Co. rumble back into town.

In the calendar year of 2008, the Bruins went 50-18-12 in the regular season, winning 112 points from 80 games. What Claude Julien has done on Causeway St. is truly amazing.

Elsewhere…

Washington 4, Buffalo 2

Watching the Bruins game on NESN as I was, it was delightful to hear all about Chris Bourque’s first NHL goal every opportunity anyone got. Guess what: I don’t give a rat’s ass about Chris Bourque. His dad last played for the Bruins like 10 years ago and the younger Bourque never put on a Bruins sweater. Why should anyone up here care?

Toronto 4, Atlanta 3

Bryan Little has 19 goals this year? Colby Armstrong has 10? The hell? And hey, Curtis Joseph won his 450th career game tonight. He’s only 34 behind Ed Belfour for third all-time, and it’d be a hell of a thing to see him knock Everyday Eddie out of the top three. Elite company even if he doesn’t, but great career outta Cujo.

Montreal 2, Tampa Bay 1

What’s gotten into Tampa Bay lately? Guess that Marty St. Louis rant about no one caring very much finally worked. They’re getting good results from teams ranging between middling and good and seem to generally be playing well. Were it not for Mike Smith’s complete ineptitude in all things shootout-related, they might’ve even won this. Then everyone would really get talking. But because they didn’t, who cares, I guess.

Detroit 4, Chicago 0

Seems like one thing Detroit is good at is beating teams that are coming in white-hot. They kicked the Sharks’ teeth in 6-0 a few weeks ago and pummel Chicago tonight to snap a nine-game winning streak. If they decided they wanted to play like this every night (and with a team this good it seems to me that their problem is work ethic), they’d win the President’s Trophy in a walk.

New Jersey 4, St. Louis 3

I honestly had no idea this game was even going on tonight, if I’m being honest. Zach Parise had two more goals tonight (that’s 21 for those scoring at home) and Manny Legace gave up four on 24 shots. Not good. You really have to feel for St. Louis though. They’ve used roughly 13 goalies this year and not one of them has been anything better than mediocre.

Philadelphia 3, Vancouver 2

Mats Sundin practiced for the first time all year today, a practice so momentous that it was streamed live on the internets for everyone from Surrey to Vancouver Island to pleasure themselves to. Sundin’s mere presence, it turns out, does not inspire wins. Philly scored early in the first, late in the first and early in the second and the Canucks spent pretty much the rest of the game scrambling to catch up. Spoiler alert: they didn’t. Too bad for Cory Schneider though. He played well and it was a truly entertaining game. Can’t really say the same for…

Ottawa 3, Edmonton 2

Here’s how bad the Oilers are: they’re so bad the lights didn’t want to come on for 25 minutes before the start of the game, possibly for fear of upsetting all the Oil fans at Rexall Place. Here’s how bad the Oilers are (pt. 2): they’re so bad they lost to the Senators. At home. Hahaha. Dany Alfredsson and Jason Spezza both had a goal and an assist for the Sens, who snapped a 400-game losing streak. After the game, Craig Hartsburg mumbled something about breaking that line up.

He’s got birds, huskies, cats and a big saltwater fish tank that includes a shark and poisonous lionfish — the only venomous creature in his house. The snakes are locked away safely in an escape-proof basement at the 9,100-sq.-ft. home in which the 23-year-old has lived for more than a year.

Creepy as hell. If you want to see someone else who had an escape-proof basement, pick up a copy of Silence of the Lamb or read a book about a certain Chicago-based clown.

Up to 40 snakes were in his basement last spring, but he’s also breeding his pets.

After a little bit of digging, I found out that it gets even weirder.

“I love being in there,” Burns said. “I could be in there all day. [Susan] yells at me. On days off, I’m down there like eight, 10 hours just feeding them, cleaning their cages.

I guarantee that Brent Burns becomes the snake-owning male equivalent of a crazy cat lady before he turns 30, and one day 30 or 40 years down the line we’ll hear about how he was eaten whole by a boa constrictor while trying to force it to have sex with a Burmese python.

The Lead

It should be noted that I’m a fan of defense-first hockey. I don’t think the trap was detrimental to the health of the sport, I don’t find the style pioneered by New Jersey to be upsetting in any way, and I would certainly prefer to see a 1-0 game than a 5-4 game any night of the week.

That said, there isn’t a team as eye-bleedingly boring, as rage-inducing or as generally unpleasant to watch as the Minnesota Wild have been for pretty much the entire month of December.

Their 2-1 loss to Calgary tonight wasn’t so much a defensive struggle as it was a study in attacking ineptitude by Minnesota and a spectacular goaltending performance from Wild backup Josh Harding. While Calgary only put 29 shots on net (not the most jaw-dropping of shot totals, admittedly), Harding made several point-blank saves including one flurry on a late Calgary power play when it was still 1-1 where he stopped four or five shots right on the doorstep while the Minnesota defense simply stood around, seemingly asking, “Oh should we have picked that guy up? And him too?” while Harding sprawled from one side of the crease to the other.

The problem, though, started as a symptomless affliction in October after Minnesota opened at 7-2-1 in their first 10 despite winning by two or more just twice and averaging just 2.5 goals in those games. In their next 10, a slight sniffled appeared; they were 5-5-0 with a pair of shootout wins and scored three goals or more just four times.

And now whatever problem the Wild have is settling into the lungs. In Games 21-30, the Wild went 3-6-1 and, while they scored four, six, five and four in the first four games of that stretch, they netted a total of seven in the following six. In Games 31-35 (No. 35 being tonight’s loss), the Wild are 2-3-0 and just playing dreadfully unwatchable hockey. No attacking flair whatsoever, even by Minnesotan standards, and it wasn’t as though Calgary played especially good shutdown hockey. The Wild simply have no one that can put the puck in the net. In fact, aside from the Islanders, no one in the NHL has a worse record than Minnesota’s since Dec. 1.

They’re playing so badly that even though they’re a team for which I have no great dislike, I firmly believe they deserve to be right where they are: dead last in the Northwest. I no longer even feel bad that they’re going to trade Gaborik for peanuts. Their defensive style is just that offensive.

Elsewhere…

New York Rangers 5, New York Islanders 4

Sign the Rangers are bad: They gave up four goals to the Islanders. Sign the Islanders are worse: They gave up four goals to the Rangers in the third period. Petr Prucha had a goal for the Rangers in his first game in a while, which will surely lead to Ranger fans bitching that he’s not in the lineup more often. Then when he finally gets back in and scores two goals in his next 15 games, the Ranger fans will bitch that he needs to get parked in the press box for a few weeks. In reality, Petr Prucha is a dime-a-dozen handsy Eastern European that doesn’t do anything but float and occasionally score.

Montreal 5, Florida 2

Maxim Lapierre had a hat trick including a shorthanded empty netter, and that’s the second hatty in as many games for a Habs forward. Pretty neat, right? What makes it even better is that, as it does every year, that little rink in Sunrise, Fla. became “Centre Bell sud” as thousands of Montreal fans packed the rink and even serenaded the “home” Panthers with a chorus of “Hey hey hey, good bye.” That hurts, man.

San Jose 3, Dallas 1

After San Jose lost to St. Louis in a shootout the other day, they needed to show up against a surprisingly hot Stars team that was 4-1-1 in its last six. Evgeni Nabokov showed up, making 28 saves and almost got a shutout. So too did Jonathan Cheechoo and Milan Michalek, who both scored before Ryane Clowe scored San Jose’s first empty-net goal of the season (yeah, really) to ice the game.

Colorado 5, Nashville 1

Pekka Rinne gave up five goals on 21 shots. You ain’t gonna win too many like that, kid. Four Avs had two-point nights and Petr Budaj made 25 saves. Man I hate it when the Avalanche win.

Columbus 2, Los Angeles 0

Steve Mason is awesome. With his 24-save shutout of the year, he dropped his GAA, which was already leading the league, to a mere 1.78 and bumped his save percentage up to .935, tied with Tim Thomas for second-best in the NHL and .001 behind Craig Anderson. The shutout was his fourth of the year, a number bettered only by Roberto Luongo, who has five. …’Course, we were saying all this last year about Pascal Leclaire and look how that worked out.

Yeah, pretty fuckin' much.

Because I tend to not blog on the weekends, here is a feature that will run through the entire season. It aims to recap the weekend’s events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact about each team. And hell, there’s a ton of other crap for me to blather on about too. And yes, I’m totally ripping off just about every other blogger ever’s weekly column, but that’s something you’ll have to deal with on your own time.

Danger: This post contains language that some people might not like. This will be the only thing on the site that regularly does so.

I don’t get why World Juniors is so entertaining. On paper, you wouldn’t watch these hockey games with a nail gun to your temple. Yeah, great, one-sided blowouts for a week straight, then good hockey starts. Know what? Come get me in a week.

And yet, most hockey diehards, and I’m including myself here, go bonkers for it every year. Can it possibly be that the allure of seeing the potential No. 1 overall pick in the coming summer’s Entry Draft is just too much to refuse?

Take today’s Canada/Kazakhstan game, just as a ferinstance. Canada won 15-0. I don’t care how many of those goals John Tavares had (just one, for the record), no chance to glimpse future greatness should be worth sitting through a 15-0 win that falls just short of sexual assault. I mean, everyone knew going in that it would be ugly. On TSN they were talking about the possibility that Canada broke its all-time World Juniors record of 18 goals, and for a while it looked like they could if they hadn’t pulled up a bit in the third period before one of the Kazakh players flipped off a referee and forced Canada’s hand with a seven-minute power play to end the game. It was the 11th goal that really broke the game wide open. Without looking at a box score or anything (of which none seem to be available), I will go out on a limb and say that Canada scored three times on the man advantage, but cannot be too sure.

It’s funny though, right? Ha ha, those poor kids from Kazakhstan had to play fucking CANADA like 19 hours after their 9-0 loss to Germany finished. Hilarious. I’m not one of these guys like Pierre McGuire who’s saying that goal differential needs to be eliminated from the tournament or capped at +5 per game or something stupid like that. Let’s look at this logically though.

We know that, every year, the World Juniors is going to feature some frightfully bad teams. Not always Kazakh-bad, of course (I read somewhere that they had 30 kids go out for the team at all. Canada and the US probably considered 100 each), but bad nonetheless. As a result of the war crimes he witnessed in Ottawa today, Bob Mackenzie penned a little column about dropping the tournament from an absurd 10 teams to a much more palatable eight. Frankly, he doesn’t go far enough.

This should be a six-team tournament. That’s it. Every year you know that there are going to be six teams playing for three medals. Canada will ALWAYS be there. Russia and the United States usually will be. Sweden, Finland and the Czech Republic will make the occasional rise into the top three. Why do we really need even middling teams like Germany to show up and get stomped by the true hockey powers of the world? What’s it prove?

I had a peek at the results of the 10 games so far just to see if there was any logical argument for keeping it at 10 or even eight teams. Only one involving the Big Six and an inferior hockey nation, Sweden’s 3-1 win over very-occasional fourth-place interloper Slovakia, was especially close. In fact, in the four games between Big Sixers and others, Big Sixers have a +24 goal differential. (And with Germany/Canada and Sweden/Latvia tomorrow, it’s going to get much wider than +4 goals a night.) Why even play these games?

They’ve been holding this tournament in one capacity or another since 1974, so that’s 34 years of World Juniors. Of those, current Big Six teams have won all but nine gold medals. The Soviet Union won eight of those and the Commonwealth of Independent States, a regional organization of former Soviet states that, when the CIS won in 1992, included Russia, won the other. So that’s every gold accounted for. What about silver? Well the Soviets have three of those and the only other non-Big Six winner is Czechoslovakia, which had five. The Soviets also had two bronzes to the Czechoslovakians’ six.

The only medals won by countries that are not now and never were Big Six powers were a bronze for Switzerland in 1998 (led by David Aebischer) and another for Slovakia the following year. For the sake of a bronze medal every 17 years on average, this doesn’t seem worth the hassle. What good does it do the sport in a given country for Germany to show up and get a nice bagged lunch at the hands of the Americans, or Kazakhstan to lose 15-0 to Canada no matter how expected it was? I don’t think some kid in Kazakhstan was watching this going, “Man, I’d really like to get flown halfway around the world to get my dick kicked in by four superpowers for four games.” No one in Latvia’s going to be eager to play a full 60 of what amounts to a penalty kill for the sake of Sweden’s fucking goal differential.

None of this is making the Canadians or Americans or Swedes or Russians or Czechs or Finns any better either. The only highlight for anybody, I guess, is when a 5-foot-4 Kazakh farmboy (or whatever) puts a 6-foot-6 future NHL star on his ass. That was awesome.

I love the tournament, but group play as it’s currently constituted is stupid and serves no purpose.

What We Learned

Anaheim — Not too much to be happy out in Duckland recently. Sixth in the Western Conference and barely treading water above that cluster of teams with 37-39 points. Good teams below them too. One bright spot, of course, is the continued success of Bobby Ryan regardless of who his linemates are (another two points tonight against St. Louis, including the game-winner, with The Ghost of Brendan Morrison and Andrew Ebbett). Kid’s got 18 points and is a +11 in 19 games but Randy Carlyle won’t give him a shot.

Atlanta — Don Waddell gets hockey. He did a Q&A with Mike Knobler at the AJC that ran on Christmas day (i.e. when no one on Earth reads the newspaper) and among the topics discussed were the Thrashers’ needs in the trade market. Said Waddell:

A centerman would be No. 1, but if it’s a player that’s going to make us a better team at this point, particularly a forward, we’ll look at pretty much anything.

Then Do the Thrashers Have Large Talons kinda highlighted something out while kinda sorta completely missing the real point completely.

• 26th Ranked Even Strength Defense (ranked 27th last season)
• 30th Ranked Special Teams Defense (ranked 28th last season)
• 30th Ranked Total Defense (ranked 30th last season)

So yeah, Don. Trade for a forward. That’ll solve everything.

Boston —Today on the Bruins/Thrashers game, Jack Edwards began refering to David Krejci as “Einstein’s assistant” because when he has the puck, time can speed up or slow down on his whim. “It’s all relative,” explained Edwards with a chuckle.

Is there some way that hockey fans the world over can let NESN know that Jack Edwards is a mind-bogglingly bad, unprofessional and annoying broadcaster? I mean, I bring his ridiculous commentary up just about every week at this point, but this really, truly has to stop. It’s too much. Andy Brickley should punch him in the mouth.

Buffalo — I “borrowed” this from Die By the Blade so whatever. It made me laugh.

Calgary — Rene Bourque is a player so awesome he has his own theme song. First career hat trick last night against Ottawa (which I guess should only count for 2.5 goals, but I’m not one to judge) and that makes 14 goals on the year. It’s amazing to actually see secondary goalscoring in Calgary coming from so many different places. And all Darryl Sutter gave up for him was a second-round pick. “Overpayment,” scoffed Blackhawk fans. Well Rene Bourque has scored 14 goals and that’s more than Jonathan Toews has, isn’t it? Face.

Carolina — Quick, name a more on-again/off-again player in the NHL than Eric Staal. His hat trick the other night was his second of the year. He’s got 17 goals this year, and that’s a lot, but 12 have come in five multiple-goal games. Otherwise he has had goalless streaks of seven and eight games at different points this year. Those two streaks were broken up by a hat trick.

Chicago — So they might have to postpone the Winter Classic. I wouldn’t worry about it. Chicago’s always very cold this time of year and even though it’s in the 50s today, tomorrow it’s probably going to be -13. Stupid global warming.

Colorado — Wanna see something ridiculous? Here’s Wojtek Wolski’s shootout goal against the Red Wings on Saturday. Sick hands on this kid.

Columbus — Very quietly, Steve Mason has the best goals-against average in the NHL, the third-best save percentage and three shutouts. Give that man the Calder right this second. There’s your goddamn rookie of the year right there. No one is bringing this up, and I don’t understand why.

Dallas — Umm, how is Dallas 8-3-1 in its last 12? They’re playing pretty poorly overall and still haven’t lost in regulation in their last five. I dunno, seems like it could be one of those things where they’re still not a good team but they’re getting bounces to go their way finally after being pretty much inexcusably bad for the prior 22 games or whatever. Things tend to balance out, and the Stars are better than their record indicates. This might also have to do with Sean Avery but I’m not sure.

Detroit — Oh man, Lidstrom got hurt. Detroit’s been struggling on the penalty kill as it is, but if Lidstrom’s out for any period of time, things could get dicey in a hurry. And on that topic, I’ve been thinking about Lidstrom lately. I kinda hate to say it, but he’s lost about a step and a half from last year. He’s getting hit more often and just not making as many Lidstrom-y decisions lately. There’s no way he wins the Norris this year.

Edmonton — Dwayne Roloson is starting to put together a respectable season for himself at the ripe old age of 39, shocking though that may be. He’s won three in a row, including today’s win over Nashville that was Edmonton’s first in 10 tries, and lookit these stats. Not bad at all for a guy that was splitting time with two other goalies earlier this year, eh?

Florida — That home and home with Tampa had to be the who-caresiest one ever. And giving up nine goals in regulation to Tampa Bay over two games? That’s Tampa levels of bad defense.

Los Angeles — The Kings sold a bunch of good seats to all their January games for $11.50 each, which is pretty cool. Every time you watch a Kings game on TV the place is a ghost town. Jesus, just give the seats away if it gets people through the door and buying concessions. Why not, right?

Minnesota — Earlier this month, the Wild lost a franchise-record five games in a row in regulation. Then they lost in OT, then they won, then they lost, then they won again, then they got demolished by Chicago. They’ve been pretty much unwatchable for the better portion of the last three weeks.

Montreal — Andrei Kostitsyn played his first game back from a pretty bad injury and got puton a line with Tomas Plekanec and Alex Kovalev. Big Kostitsyn had a hat trick, and in fact all three Montreal goals, on Saturday in a win over the Penguins. So I guess keep him on that line then, yeah?

Nashville — Proof that Nashville is a viable hockey market: Google “Nashville Predators blog” and you come up with a team blog that hasn’t been updated since Nov. 2007, a fan blog that hasn’t been updated since October, and another that hasn’t been updated since July. Yeah, great job.

New Jersey — Another real good team no one’s talking up: The Devils. They’re two points back of Philadelphia for the lead in the Atlantic Division with two games in hand. And they’ve done it in the face of outrageous circumstances. If I told you in October that they’d be ahead of the Penguins and Rangers with Scott Clemmensen as their best goalie, you would have spit in my face and pushed me down the stairs.

New York Rangers — Ah yes, the long-awaited Case-For-Avery-on-the-Rangers. They have no cap space and no discernable defense, and yet the team is “Screaming out for Avery.” Perfect, Brooks. Just perfect.

Nearly halfway through a season in which there couldn’t be a greater disconnect between what you see in the standings and what you see on the ice, the Rangers have no identity. They have no go-to guy. They have no force to worry the opposition.

…

The mechanics of making it happen are hazy. But those are mere details.

Okay Sean Avery is that guy. Makes absolute sense. Handshakes all around. We’ve solved the Rangers’ problem. Sean Avery. Screw the fact that the team can’t afford him. MERE DETAILS!

New York Islanders — Bill Guerin became just the eighth American-born player to score his 400th goal on Saturday, but like a selfish ugly jerk he ROBBED Josh Bailey of his first-ever NHL goal. Bill Guerin: selfish ugly jerk. Print it.

Ottawa — It’s kinda depressing. Watching the World Juniors the other night, they showed a sign before the Canada game that said something about the Senators NEEDING John Tavares. It’s not wrong or anything (they need all the help they can get), but I just kinda feel bad.

Philadelphia — I think like last week I was talking about how the Flyers were playing awesome hockey lately. Then they got shut out and held to 20 shots by Columbus. I don’t know what to think about them any more.

Phoenix —Whoa, buddy.

How is it that the best line of the night was made up of Enver Lisin, Martin Hanzal, and Mikkel Boedker?  There are “monkeys” on everyone’s back it seems.

Be frustrated with the Coyotes all you want, but let’s not start trashing Enver Lisin, aight? You have made a powerful enemy this day.

Pittsburgh —Starting Tuesday night, the Penguins have a home and home with the Bruins. Will that be an exciting series to watch? Yes. Will the Penguins win one of those games? I doubt it. But hey, Hal Gill will probably be back!

San Jose — I think the shine might be wearing off the Sharks already, and it’s not even the second round. In the last two weeks, apart from a very strong win over the Canucks last week, they’ve pulled out an unconvincing 3-2 win over an unconvincing Rangers team, a 3-2 shootout win over the Kings, lost to the Blue Jackets in a shootout, gotten demolished by the Red Wings, and now lost to the Blues in a shootout. I dunno, man. I think this could be the start of their resounding fall back to earth. There was no way they were going to keep all that winning up, obviously, but now they’re barely scraping by bad teams if they do it at all.

St. Louis — So Paul Kariya has a pretty bad hip injury. He might miss the rest of the year, and even if he doesn’t, he’ll miss a significant portion of its remainder. What’s the NHL record for man-games lost to injury?

Tampa Bay — How you know things are bad in Tampa: Evgeny Artuhkin is leading the offensive charge.

Toronto — How does someone get hit in the eye with a soccer ball when playing in close quarters like that? Hey Stajan, keep your goddamn head up.

Vancouver —Taylor Pyatt is out indefinitely with an injured foot. As long as nothin’ happens to those pretty, pretty eyes.

Washington — In addition to being the best player in the world, Alex Ovechkin might be the best interview in it as well.

Play of the Weekend

Kinda have to give it to Ovechkin for that goal the other night, huh?

Gold Star Award

Lotta hat tricks this weekend, that’s for sure. Staalsy had one, Big Kostitsyn had one, Rene Bourque had one. But regardless, the big, big Gold Star Award winner this week goes to Dan Ryder for getting himself suspended by the Calgary Flames for the second time in two seasons.

Enjoy not playing hockey for a living, Dan-o.

Next week’s game I’m totally going to watch on Center Ice if I’m home

That aforementioned Bruins/Penguins home and home is gonna be outstanding. Just outstanding. The two best offensive players in the game are playing the team with the best defense.

Event that should replace the shootout and would be just as relevant to hockey skill

Tolerating certain members of their families over the holidays. Y’know, THOSE relatives.

Soccer update only I care about

What a weekend for Liverpool. The Reds had a 3-0 win over Bolton at Anfield on Boxing Day that was sparked by a two-goal performance by Robbie Keane (the start of big things for the lad, I’ll keep telling myself) and then a 5-1 win over Tottenham on Sunday away to St James’ Park. That will work just fine, thank you. Add in Chelsea’s hilarious 2-all draw with Fulham at Craven Cottage (thanks Deuce!) and that adds up to Liverpool atop the table, three points clear of the hated Blues. What a delightful gift to have received this of all weeks.

College hockey update only I care about

Lowell doesn’t play until next week, but UMass Amherst lost to lowly Bemidji State 4-2. Thinking about embarrassing losses by UMass Amherst is the gift that keeps on giving.

The No. 1 DVD I own and kind of want to watch this week but likely will not

“The Spy Who Came in From the Cold,” in that I have been meaning to watch it for like two weeks and haven’t done so.

An update on last week’s “No. 1 DVD I own and kind of want to watch this week but likely will not“

Yippee kay yay, Mr. Falcon!

Perfect HFBoards trade proposal of the week

User “roc1091,” you sir have this trade game figured out.

edmonton gets
doug weight
bill guerin

nyi gets
2009 1st round pick
rob shremp
robert nilsson

prob too much coming to nyi but if his value is still up at the deadline i could see it happening wit shremp nd nillsons value look lik they r declining nd both could use a change of scenery

Edmonton trades a pair of pain in the ass kids with attitude and effort problems AND a first-round pick to get two old guys who don’t help them do anything. I’d call it lose-lose but hey, that’s a mid-round pick!

Signoff in a language that’s not English

10. Tampa backs up dump truck full of money to Ryan Malone’s house

What a terrible idea just from an asset management standpoint. The Lightning’s new owners wanted to make a big splash on the free agent market and traded for the rights to negotiate with something like 392 of the NHL’s most mediocre free agents. Their big signing: Ryan Malone. For $31.5 million over seven years. In what universe did that seem like a good idea? At least he repaid the Bolts with 7-6-13 in 23 games this year before getting hurt. Maybe the most camp contract in the NHL this year. The money was tragically ludicrous, the results have been ludicrously tragic.

9. Pink ice

It might be the worst looking thing in hockey since Mark Recchi. It was for a good cause and all but jeez, just LOOK AT IT.

8. New York Rangers retire number of … wait this says Adam Graves. That can’t be right, can it?

Of all the Ranger greats ever, why Adam Graves? He had 616 points in his entire career. After this, how much can it mean to have your jersey retired by the Rangers? Your name’s up there in the rafters next Adam Graves, who is tied for 246th on the NHL’s all-time points list, one ahead all-time greats of Marc Savard and Sergei Gonchar. What an embarrassment.

7. Chicago spends HOW MUCH on two mediocre goalies?

Clearly, the Blackhawks needed help in net. Nikolai Khabibulin was a bust by any stretch of the imagination, considering the size of his contract relative to the amount of success he had in Chicago. So the popular wisdom was that the ‘Hawks would sign a reasonable replacement and trade Khabibulin for pennies on the dollar. Didn’t work out that way, even if they did sign Cristobal Huet and later put Khabi on waivers for a little while right before the season started. Instead, Chicago has sunk $12.375 million into two goalies, neither of which is exactly earning their rather large paychecks. Imagine if they’d spent that money on, say, a No. 2 center or something?

6. Gary Bettman suspends Sean Avery six games for talking about Kim from 24’s vagina in a negative way.

You can talk all you want about the many, many ways in which Avery calling Elisha Cuthbert and Rachel Hunter “sloppy seconds” was very stupid, not the least of which being that the last thing anyone should want is a pissed-off Dion Phaneuf on their ass. However, even stupider than the impromptu presser was the league’s decision to suspend Avery for six games. It was far too harsh a penalty and while I see why the NHL is making the distinction between on-ice and off-ice incidents, I also think it’s pretty pointless to suspend someone for seven percent of the season because they said mean words.

5. New York Rangers’ top defensive pairing makes so much money oh god

Here’s one even the most hardcore Ranger fans will get behind. This summer the Blueshirts doled out $32.5 million for five years of Wade Redden and $20 million for four years of Michal Rozsival. And for all that they’re a combined -15. This is bad resource management and pretty much the reason the Rangers were unable to get Mats Sundin. The rumor is one or both of them are already being shopped. Good luck with that, Sather.

4. Dallas Stars throw away $15.5 million on 23 games of Sean Avery

After the aforementioned Sloppy Secondsgate, the Dallas Stars decided that the reason they were so unbelievably terrible was not Marty Turco’s abysmal, embarrassing performance through the first quarter of the season, but rather that Avery is kind of an asshole. So they kindly asked him, in light of the suspension and everything else, to never ever return to the team. But he had just signed a contract that would pay him $15.5 million over the next four years, so Dallas announced it would pay him the balance of that contract. In summary, Sean Avery was basically paid $673,913.04 per game with Dallas. Or, if you choose to look at it another way, $5.16 million per goal. Totally worth it, right, Brett?

3. “The KHL is going to murder the NHL and steal all its superstars! USURPER!”

“One league to rule them all, one league to find, one league to bring them all and in the Siberian winter bind them. In the land of Russia, where Medvedev lies.” That great threat from the East? Turned out not to be such a threat at all. One day the Kontinental Hockey League was targeting YOUR TEAM’S Russian megastars, and the next we found they were unable to score on Ray Emery and slashing salaries 30 percent and killing Ranger prospects.

2. “Boots” Del Biaggio turns out to be a fraud to the shock of several

How could a guy named Boots have acquired the loans with which he bought a stake in a dying NHL franchise illegally? There’s no justice in the world. ‘Course, the NHL wouldn’t know anything about that, since they didn’t actually bother to fully vet Del Biaggio before they gave him the go-ahead to take over the Predators. This isn’t so much a stupid story as it is a terribly embarrassing one for the NHL.

1. Tampa signs the guy with the mullet from ESPN as coach of an actual NHL team

Everything you need to know about how Barry Melrose was ever going to work out as the coach of the Tampa Bay Lightning is right in this video:

Melrose is egomaniacal, considers himself blameless and, worst of all, is a really really really bad hockey coach. Add that to a very bad Tampa team and look what happens. Thinking this clown could coach professionals after spending more than a decade on TV  was easily the worst decision in hockey this year.

The Lead

Forget all the dickpunching and whining and diving for which Sidney Crosby’s been called out lately. It’s become quite clear that the guy plays with a different rulebook than most other NHL players, and that’s just one of those things you have to accept as a fact of life. It’s the same reason elite pitchers get strike zones you could drive a truck through and NBA defenses couldn’t properly cover Michael Jordan.

So when Crosby reached out and poked at an Evgeni Malkin knuckleball that was dangerously close to being a high stick and scored the against Buffalo in overtime to win 4-3, was there any doubt whatsoever that the goal would stand?

It was a marginal call to be sure. One of those ones where Penguins fans would likely see it as close but clearly a legal play while Sabres fans broke down the footage like the Zapruder Film. It would, of course, be very difficult to make a proper judgment given the available angles. But because of the Crosby factor, what the hell, let’s call it a goal and hit the bar. The officials could huddle around monitors or get the war room in Toronto breaking everything down, but the eventual result, regardless of whether or not it was a high stick, was so plain. It’s not like this was Ryan Stone tipping a puck home. Crosby hadn’t scored in nine games and why not, right? The Pens needed the win anyways.

I’m not even saying it wasn’t a goal or, even if he had played it with a high stick, there was sufficient evidence to overrule the call on the ice. I like Crosby just fine and I have no love for either the Sabres or Penguins. But this is the kind of thing that stokes the ever-burning fires of deep-seated Crosby hatred among NHL fans, particularly those in the Eastern Conference. The calls always go the Kid’s way and they always will. Everyone just needs to accept that. We’ll all be better people for it.

Elsewhere…

Toronto 6, Atlanta 2

You are John Anderson. Your opponent is a so-so defensive team and goes with a goalie is making his first career start. What is your gameplan? Right, only put 21 shots on net. Correct. Also, allow 38 shots to Toronto. Must make a note of that. This, of course, is assuming that you’re playing for Tavares/Hedman rather than the win. In that case, by all means, let Alex Ponikarovsky and Matt Stajan get three points apiece against you. Capital idea.

Edmonton 4, Phoenix 2

Is it too much to discount the idea that Gretzky tanked this one for his old team? Doubtful! That would certainly explain the three separate 5-on-3 power plays and eight power plays overall the Coyotes afforded the Oilers tonight. Edmonton scored on two of them, both in the third when the game was still tied at 2-2, and then just 3-2. Good work, Dogs! Dan Carcillo had another 19 penalty minutes, and while he’s allegedly trying to cut back on that kinda stuff, I will always support him in his quest to break every penalty record known to man. Keep reaching for the stars, Dan-o. Also, Enver Lisin scored the second Phoenix goal and made me very happy.

Vancouver 4, Anaheim 3

Anaheim clearly coasted through most of this one, putting 14 shots on goal in the first two periods before outshooting Vancouver 13-4 in the final frame. Luckily for the Canucks, Daniel Sedin had two goals, including the eventual game-winner early in the third period. Those Sedin boys simply are not top-line players, and that’s why the Canucks needed Mats Sundin. Clearly. And if the crowds at the last few Ducks road games I’ve watched are any indication, Corey Perry is quickly reaching Chris Pronger levels of hatred in most of the Western Conference. Good. He’s a prick and should universally recognized as such.

Because I tend to not blog on the weekends, here is a feature that will run through the entire season. It aims to recap the weekend’s events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact about each team. And hell, there’s a ton of other crap for me to blather on about too. And yes, I’m totally ripping off just about every other blogger ever’s weekly column, but that’s something you’ll have to deal with on your own time.

Danger: This post contains language that some people might not like. This will be the only thing on the site that regularly does so.

I’ve been sick of Mats Sundin since July or so, and now that he’s signed with Vancouver I wish everyone would just shut up about him.

No such luck. Somehow, his signing made even more headlines than his not-signing, for which I place the blame entirely upon TSN. The Vancouver fans, of course, are in hysterics, as though signing a not-in-game-shape, 37-year-old center to a marginal playoff team instantly makes it a contender for the Stanley Cup. But no one, and that includes every HFBoards fanboy, every guy that yells “SHOOOOOOOT” on every power play and every talk radio caller in the history of the sport, had a more insanely idiotic take on the Sundin signing than did the Vancouver Province’s Ed Willes.

Yes, you have gone from a possible eight seed to a sure playoff berth and another probable first-round exit. If you’re lucky, you make the second round. Is that worth $5.5 million for the remainder of the season?

First, some context.

From the beginning of their existence, the Vancouver Canucks’ fortunes have been governed by a force which seemed to delight in raising their fans’ hopes, then crushing those hopes like a tin can.

It started with that damnable spin of the wheel which gave Gilbert Perreault to the Buffalo Sabres and Dale Tallon to the Canucks. It continued through the ’70s and ’80s with a series of bad teams and even worse drafts.

Interestingly I cannot name one good goaltender in the history of the Canucks whose name was not Roberto Luongo, but surely that has no correlation to the fact that the team has been pretty much awful for the entirety of its existence.

I mean, look at their all-time goaltending leaders. Kirk McLean is the franchise leader in career wins, with 211 over more than 11 seasons. To repeat: Their ALL-TIME WINS LEADER had a 211-228-62 record (a .469 winning percentage!) with 20 shutouts (also a franchise-record) in 516 games. That has always been the Canucks’ problem. Kirk McLean should never be anyone’s best goalie ever. The fact that Dan Cloutier once held the team’s all-time goals-against average record, before it was mercifully wrested from his tenuous grasp by Luongo, with a 2.42 in the Dead Puck era tells you all you need to know about the Canucks’ actual problems.

The lack of Gilbert Perreault is among the least of the Canucks’ problems.

Then along came the first messiahs: Igor Larionov and, ahem, Vladimir Krutov. After some success in the early ’90s, they brought in Messiah No. 2, Mark Messier, who was an even bigger disaster than Krutov. In the early part of this decade, they had the Detroit Red Wings down 2-0 in the playoffs when Dan Cloutier fanned on a 90-foot slap shot from Nick Lidstrom. Two years later, their all-star left winger Todd Bertuzzi assaulted Steve Moore with a month to go in the regular season and was suspended for the postseason.

And that was on the ice. Off the ice, we don’t have the space to get into the many firings. lawsuits and assorted other intrigues which have characterized the Canucks and with which you are all familiar.

Wow that’s a lot of information. To be fair to the Canucks, both Larionov and Krutov were actually good pickups in theory, with both being 29 at the time they were imported and presumably in the primes of their careers. That things didn’t work out is unfortunate and certainly didn’t help the team in the one or three years they were there, but these were guys that were drafted in the 11th and 12 rounds, respectively. So chill out on that.

It’s important to keep in mind, too, that you, as Canucks fans, had pinned your playoff hopes from 2001 or so up until the Luongo trade on Dan Cloutier. The Bertuzzi thing is just a stupid excuse whose root problem goes back to that last sentence I just typed.

Mark Messier, though? Who actually though a 37-year-old bald center who put up big numbers the year before with his long-time team was going to hel… ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Jeez. Yeah, that sucks, huh? Yeesh.

I mean, maybe they lacked the mythic quality of the other great curses — your Chicago Cubs, your Boston Red Sox — but, when you examine things closely, the Canucks’ history stacks up against any team in any sport.

Agreed. The issue with the Cubbies or Sox or any other team that goes a long-ass time without winning anything — and any related curse talk is ridiculous, by the way — is that they were, for many years, like the Canucks. They ignored the most important position (pitching/goaltending) in favor of offense (big bats/power forwards) and you see where that got them.

So what are we to make of this latest turn of events?

Well, it’s hard to believe again when you’ve had your heart ripped out as many times as Canucks’ fans but yesterday’s announcement that Mats Sundin is coming to town feels like history has been turned on its head. This is our Curt Schilling bloody sock. This is our LeBron James draft.

Pump ya brakes, Willes. This is insane talk. I fail to see how signing a 37-year-old anything, no matter how good he is or was, compares to Schilling’s laundry or drafting the most intriguing basketball talent of our generation. Schilling’s sock made for a nice visual, of course, but that Red Sox win against the Yankees in the 2004 American League Championship series was built upon the pitching of Schilling, Pedro Martinez, Bronson Arroyo, Derek Lowe and Keith Foulke as well as the fortuitous collaboration of untimely injuries to Yankee stars. I won’t even dignify comparing the Sundin signing to drafting LeBron with pointing out how fucking retarded it is to say something like that, except to say that it’s fucking retarded.

This is the moment when all that rancid karma has been reversed. As late as yesterday everyone — and I mean everyone — in the hockey world expected Sundin to pick the New York Rangers because that’s the way these things always work out. Instead, he picked the Canucks, which is like the prettiest girl in the school picking the president of the debating club over the captain of the football team.

Well it didn’t help that the president of the debate club offered the prettiest girl in school a shitload more money to go to prom with him. And, I hate to break it to you, but the Rangers ain’t the captain of the football team. Given their current position in the league and where they seem headed in the future, they might be the blocking tight end for third-and-short run packages.

I know every instinct is telling you this can’t possibly work because it’s the Canucks and these things never work for this team.

I’m not sure what “things” you mean. Surely signing near-elderly free agents in the middle of the season for a lot of money is a “thing” that the Canucks have never tried before. Correct me if I’m wrong on this.

This time, it’s different. Honest.

This works on so many levels, in fact, it’s hard to conceive of them all. Think for a moment about the message it sends the other Canucks, particularly Roberto Luongo, who enters the last year of his contract next season, and think of what this does for the Sedins.

Now think what it says that Sundin left money on the table to ensure the Canucks’ maximum flexibility at the trade deadlline.

Probably doesn’t hurt that the only other significant offer Sundin was getting, that from the Rangers obviously, was for substantially less money because of the team’s inflexibility against the cap. Vancouver had planned for this signing since the summer and therefore had the cap space to make it happen, where the Rangers found themselves to be contenders late in the game and put together the best package they could for Sundin, which, when compared to the Canucks offer, was far less attractive for a player that’s clearly motivated by money. He “left money on the table” because that offer was the best he’d get, and he knew it.

Now think that all it cost to add Sundin is money. That’s it. No players. No draft picks. Just $6 million for the best free agent available.

To be fair, though, his primary competition for “best free agent available” is Glen Murray.

All this, of course, is predicated on the assumption that Sundin is the player we saw with the Leafs last season and we could kick that one around for a while. But over his last five seasons in The Big Smoke, Sundin averaged 75 games, 31 goals and 76 points a season and he’s now had nine months to rest his 37-year-old body.

That last part is the important one. He’s 37 and he’s taken nine months off from hockey. How in-shape is he going to be? How much poker did he play in that nine months when he should have been out running, or lifting weights or skating? He said himself on Hockey Night in Canada that he wasn’t sure what he’d be doing this season for a large part of that nine months and probably didn’t train as hard as he normally would have. I fail to see how this is a good thing.

Taking everything into consideration, then, this what you have: A 6-foot-5, 230-pound centreman who averages a point a game; who, according to his former teammates, has an unimpeachable character; who’s been the team captain in the NHL’s toughest market; and who is now playing for less-than-market value for the Canucks, who needed a front-line centre the way a lion needs meat.

Less than market value? Uhh, his prorated contract is worth $8.6 million, which is only below market value if you’re considering “market value” to be the ridiculous contract offer of $20 million for two years that the Canucks originally offered. In reality, only Alex Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby have contracts that pay them more annually. It’s still a not-good deal for the Canucks, but with their cap space, they can at least afford it.

And Jesus Christ, how many points does Henrik Sedin have to score to be considered a “front-line” center!?

That’s pretty good. But what’s better is he arrives at a moment when so many forces are converging for the Canucks. Maybe this doesn’t end with a parade. Maybe we don’t get the ultimate happy ending.

But, no matter what happens from here, everything about this move is right — and how many times could you say that over the last 40 years?

This is the closest thing to a cogent point in this entire article, except you absolutely and certainly do not get the ultimate happy ending, nor is everything about this move necessarily right. But the SENTIMENT of the move is right, and that’s perhaps what counts most.

It’s a move that makes the Canucks better, inarguably. They were short on center depth and now they’re not. Sundin can probably have a very positive impact. But there are so many unknowns — how does the time off affect him, how does his age affect him, how does the more physical and tougher Western Conference affect him, how do his new linemates affect him, etc etc etc — that it’s hard to just go “Well jeez I think the Canucks pretty much have it knocked, huh?”

What We Learned

Anaheim — Teemu Selanne’s out four to six weeks with a cut he sustained while falling on his own skate, cutting himself open just above the knee. If you just see the video without this prior knowledge, it doesn’t seem so bad, but knowing that makes it an awful difficult watch. That’s a bad break for Selanne and the Ducks both.

Atlanta — Kovalchuk for Gaborik is about the stupidest deal I’ve ever heard in my life. I know it’s Bruce Garrioch and he said that Malkin was going to get traded to the Kings and all that, but what motivation does Don Waddell have to trade for a guy whose contract is up BEFORE Kovy’s, apart from blind stupidity? Kim Johnsson? Okay sure. Even by Garrioch standards, this is ridiculous.

Boston — David Krejci had another three assists in Boston’s game against St. Louis today, all in the first period. This kid came out of nowhere, huh? He had 6-21-27 in 56 games last year and already has 12-24-36 in 33 games so far this year. Another incredibly underrated Bruin who’s contributing big-time to the team’s success.

P.S. This was an ill-advised scrap for BJ Crombeen.

Buffalo — Were I the Sabres, I’d be a little bit embarrassed to have given up 40 shots to the Kings on Friday, but hey, Ryan Miller stopped all of them so I guess there’s not too much to complain about, eh?

Calgary — Jarome Iginla scored his 800th point Friday night with an assist on a nifty little pass to Rene Bourque (who’s been outstanding in Calgary, by the way). For what it’s worth, Iginla is now sixth among all NHLers in scoring since his rookie year of 1996, one ahead of Paul Kariya, and behind Jaromir Jagr (1061), Joe Sakic (895), Mats Sundin (857), Teemu Selanne (843) and Dany Alfredsson (813). He will have presumably cruised past Alfie by the end of the season. Not a bad little career for a guy who had next to no help for the majority of his time in the league.

Carolina — The Hurricanes have no doubt improved under Paul Maurice, going 4-2-3 in nine games as opposed to 12-11-2 under Peter Laviolette, but at what cost? In watching the Canes/Habs game today, a 3-2 overtime win for Carolina, they struck me as a mind-numbingly boring, mediocre team. Hard to argue with results, I guess, but getting there sucks to watch. I’d rather they be more exciting and just lose.

Chicago — Someone might want to get a rape kit for the Northwest Division after Chicago rolled through. Nine days ago against Colorado, the ‘Hawks won 4-3. On Tuesday, they decimated Edmonton 9-2(!). Friday, they beat Calgary 3-2 in overtime. Last night they cruised past Vancouver 3-1. What horrible fate awaits the Minnesota Wild next Sunday is anyone’s guess.

Colorado — This is a blog post about the Colorado Avalanche’s 3-0 loss to the FLORIDA PANTHERS. It could very well be a post about the Colorado Avalanche’s season to this point.

I tried as hard as I could to think of one, single, solitary good thing that happened in today’s game, but sadly, there is absolutely nothing worthwhile to write about.

I relish things like this. They bring great joy to my life.

Columbus — Poor, poor Derrick Brassard. He was having an unreal season. Then this happened. Four to six months? Jesus that’s awful for the kid.

Dallas — I can’t tell what’s worse, the fact that Dallas gave up ANOTHER five goals, this time to the remarkably bad Senators offense, or the fact that Ottawa was thrilled to have beaten Dallas. These are two awful, awful teams.

Detroit — What an asshole Kris Draper is. Bitching about plus-minus? Who cares? By the way, here’s how you know plus-minus is a ridiculous stat: Marek Malik once led the league in it.

Edmonton — Few things brought me greater happiness this week than that 9-2 game against Chicago. If I ever need cheering up, someone just send me the highlights of that game.

Florida — The Florida Panthers are three points out of eighth with two games in hand on most of the Eastern Conference’s current playoff teams. All while their leading scorer is a defenseman with 18 points in 32 games. Boy, the Eastern Conference really sucks this year.

Los Angeles — Jon Quick gave up five goals on 35 shots against the Red Wings on Saturday and one on eight in relief of Jason LaBarbera on Friday. Six goals on 43 shots in 75:32 makes a stat line of 4.68/.860. Just another UMass Amherst product that didn’t pan out. I won’t bore you with the details of the time I tried to talk a Kings scout out of his fascination with Quick.

Minnesota — Cal Clutterbuck’s been throwing his body around a lot. He has 109 hits this season in 28 games (that’s a lot, sixth in the league in fact) compared to Stephane Veilleux’s team-leading 113 ALL OF LAST YEAR. How does a team that plays that much defensive hockey have its leader only get 113 hits. Only Vancouver had fewer hits from its team leader last year. Byron Ritchie led the charge with a whopping 89, which is kinda sad.

Montreal — Weirder situation: Robert Lang’s 10 goals (now 11) pacing the Canadiens or Robert Lang actually being looked at as a legitimately good pickup by. I can’t figure out that Habs team.

Nashville — It’s getting bad for the Predators’ offense. Media members are actually discussing an AHL callup getting a real shot at sticking on the top two lines as though it’s a viable, smart option. Note to Nashville: TRADE FOR A WINGER.

New Jersey — The Devs are just another team that has taken to kicking a soccer ball around before every game. Lots of teams seem to be doing this now. Goddamn Europeans!

New York Rangers — I know the official company line is “Sundin chased the money,” but the Rangers had no business being in the market for him anyway. Signing Sundin would’ve been a really daft move on Glen Sather’s part. They’re much better off without Sundin.

New York Islanders — Brendan Witt says the Islanders have defensive problems. I think the 17 goals they’ve scored in the last nine games ain’t helpin’ matters.

Ottawa — Dany Alfredsson had to be helped off the ice after he got clobbered by Jere Lehtinen on Saturday. The Sens offense without Alfie might be the scariest thing in the league right now for all the wrong reasons.

Philadelphia — Riley Cote had a busy weekend. Not a successful one, mind you. But a busy one.

Phoenix — Ilya Bryzgalov is finally playing like Ilya Bryzgalov. Three goals against and a shutout in his last three games, and the Coyotes are 2-0-1. Yes this is a very good Bryzgalov.

Pittsburgh — Why did people lose their mind over Sid Crosby punching Boris Valabik in the balls? He CLEARLY punched him in the ass. No big deal.

San Jose — Why Fear the Fin is an astonishingly good blog: Game takes by Marcus Tullius Cicero.

St. Louis — The St. Louis Police Department really has its priorities in order. It spent a few thousand dollars each on some badges for high-ranking police officials. My favorite part though: “The vote came just hours before the department admitted that it had wrongly kept up to $6 million seized in arrests. Neither the badges nor the seized money came up for public discussion.” That’s just awesome.

Tampa Bay — Good for Marty St. Louis. Someone had to call out the Bolts for their embarrassing play. I’m really, really hoping we get the R-rated version of that speech though. All we know right now is that he said, “I’m fucking fed up.” Let’s hope the video gets out soon.

Toronto — Down Goes Brown is a great blog, but its front page right now typifies a big problem I have with Leaf fans. You guys don’t get the right to bitch about Mats Sundin because your team told him to take a hike. Not that I think that was the wrong decision, but at this point it’s been nine months. Who cares?

Vancouver — I really, really hope Mason Raymond and Jannik Hansen are on Sundin’s line. Just to see how Mats handles that.

Washington — Jeez, even Tom Boswell is writing articles about how awesome Alex Ovechkin is? He must be really, really awesome. “Ovechkin is monster.” If I had a Capitals blog, I would name it that.

Play of the Weekend

If you didn’t see Blake Wheeler’s shorthanded goal against the St. Louis Blues AND you don’t watch the following video, don’t worry. You’ll be seeing it on highlight reels for the rest of the season. Wheels is having himself a hell of a rookie season in Boston.

But oh those NESN announcers. Going out of their way to shit on Patrik Berglund, of whom I guarantee you they’ve seen very little, in talking up Wheeler’s Calder hopes. Newsflash: Good though Berglund may be, he’s also the No. 3 or 4 rookie in his own DIVISION. Steve Mason, Kris Versteeg and Derrick Brassard (before he got his season ended) were all more viable candidates than Berglund, not that he hasn’t had a fine season. And oh yeah, he still has more points than Wheeler. Jack Edwards and Andy Brickley are both clowns.

Gold Star Award

Scott Hartnell had a hat trick and two assists in two games this weekend. Also his hair would be awesome if her were a woman and this were 1986.

Next week’s game I’m totally going to watch on Center Ice if I’m home

Boston vs. New Jersey on Tuesday night. Two blazing hot teams in a clash right before Christmas. My dad used to take me to the last Bruins home game before Christmas every year when I was a kid so this game on the schedule will always be pretty special to me.

Event that should replace the shootout and would be just as relevant to hockey skill

Mats Sundin lookalike contest. Winner gets the two points AND way too much money.

Soccer update only I care about

What a frustrating draw at the Emirates this morning. Emmanuel Adebayor was sent off in the 60th minute on a controversial red card given by referee Howard Webb, and Liverpool spent a good majority of their 30-minute advantage dicking around with the ball and making foolish fouls in attacking positions. The resultant 1-1 draw was enfuriating and well-deserved. They had no urgency in attack, and in fact kept six men back even when up a man and facing a strike force composed entirely of Robin van Persie and no one else. A win would have guaranteed Liverpool stayed at least a point clear of the Blues atop the table. This was all quite upsetting, and ensured that Liverpool head into Christmas in second place after leading the Premier League for the majority of the season, since Chelsea are going to storm into Goodison Park tomorrow and throttle Everton.

The Reds did, however, get a cracker from Robbie Keane just before halftime to pull even, so there’s that.

College hockey update only I care about

Thank Christ Lowell didn’t have a game this week. I need the three weeks off from the worry.

The No. 1 DVD I own and kind of want to watch this week but likely will not

Same thing I watch every Christmas Eve: Die Hard. Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.

An update on last week’s “No. 1 DVD I own and kind of want to watch this week but likely will not“

Seven Samurai is still an awesome movie.

Perfect HFBoards trade proposal of the week

When you see a thread titled “Mother Of All Trades,” you have to click on it. The proposal, cooked up by “andrepeterson,” did not disappoint.

To Ottawa
Ilya Kovalchuk
Sheldon Souray
Andrew Cogliano
Erik Cole
Atlanta’s 3rd round pick 2009

To Edmonton
Jason Spezza
Jason Smith
Antoine Vermette

To Atlanta
Edmonton’s 1st round pick 2009
Ottawa’s 1st round pick 2009
Ottawa’s 1st round pick 2010 (note: the draft after next season)
Ilya Zubov
Jesse Winchester

Looking at this as a give-take trade, Atlanta gave up Ilya Kovalchuk and a third rounder and got three first-round picks, Ilya Zubov and Jesse Winchester. Don Waddell’s just crazy enough to do it!

Signoff in a language that’s not English