(READ THE THING BELOW, THEN CLICK HERE.)
Remember this site? No? Of course not. I haven’t written on it in more than a year, due entirely to laziness. Not that anyone likely noticed or cared very much, except the roughly four of you who have asked about it on Twitter and gotten a rude response from me as a result. Sorry about that.
So why am I writing on it today? I’m glad you asked. For about seven months or so at this point, I have volunteered my time at 826 Boston, which is a really great writing and tutoring center for kids in the area. And, as you might expect with a nonprofit, there’s not a lot of money to be made in helping kids do their homework or engage in any creative writing.
It is for this reason that 826 Boston has an annual Write-A-Thon. It’s exactly what you’d expect it to be: Participants, instead of doing something extremely difficult like walking or riding a bike or sitting through an Islanders game, pledge to write things. Any old thing they want. The event lasts from Sept. 6 (WHOOPS!!!!) to October 11, so I’m already almost a week behind because I am an idiot.
As you might imagine, I am pledging to write about hockey just for you. And not just any hockey. I promise you there will be no talk of the CBA or lockout. No accusations that the NHL’s owners are greedy irresponsible pigs (they are though). Just straight up being a jerk about hockey — you know, jokes about how Taylor Hall looks like Sloth from the Goonies, how no one goes to Coyotes games, and how Marty Brodeur Kyle Wellwood Dustin Byfuglien is fat.
I will write these things about once a day (or so! Don’t hold me to that!) for your enjoyment. I hope that, in return, you will donate money to this really unbelievably good cause. My goal is to raise $500 in the next 29 days, but my HOPE is to blow the doors off that number — not unlike how anyone with NHL-level speed can get around a bad Dion Phaneuf pinch — and make everyone else who signed up look really bad.
Overall, 826 Boston hopes to raise $18,000, but we can do better than that.
The page to sponsor me is located right here, and I hope you’ll give anything you can. Again, this is a really nice cause. And if you donate a lot of money, I have some hockey stuff laying around here that you might be interested in (a Todd Bertuzzi autographed puck, a Heritage Classic seat cushion, a Buffalo Winter Classic Sabres touque that the pom-pom fell off, a non-team-specific Boston Winter Classic touque, etc.). We can work something out.