Don’t forget about the prizes!!!
The Edmonton Oilers have won three straight games.
I’ll say that again: the Edmonton Oilers have won three straight games. Against NHL teams.
And not just any NHL teams either, if that’s what you’re thinking. They’ve beaten the Sharks, Red Wings and now the Canucks. From last Friday until right this very minute, the Oilers have picked up literally 1/8th of their entire win total.
I don’t know why this is happening. Every day, another Oiler seems to come down with some sort of crazy injury — I think I read Andrew Cogliano contracted a case of Fisherman’s Madness or something — and another tragedy, beyond even living in Edmonton, befalls the squad itself. Today’s hysterical mishap saw Devan Dubnyk (who has a girl’s name) get an “infectious gastrointestinal disorder” which in my medical opinion basically means his butt is infected.
So they started Jeff Drouin-Deslauriers, who a) was last seen losing to Toronto in embarrassing fashion and b) sucks. And their backup? Someone called Nathan Deobald. Never heard of him? Me neither. That’s because this kid is so good he has a whopping one game of experience in the WHL. In 2001.
So hell, playing the leader of your division, dead last in the league by at least a dozen points (I’d look it up but I don’t care to) and starting literally the worst goalie in the NHL backed up by some kid that hasn’t had a game at a meaningful level of competition — unless you’re counting the SJHL and I’m not — since before Jay-Z put out THREE albums called The Blueprint. Kinda go in expecting a loss.
Not so much. They jumped out to a 2-0 lead and somehow held on for a 3-2 win. Three in a row!
The real winner tonight, by the way, is Deobald. One day he’s going to tell his kids all about the time he got to dress for the Edmonton Oilers. He’ll probably leave out the part about holding open the door for the likes of Jason Strudwick.
Florida 4, Toronto 1
Now the Leafs, there’s a team that knows how to suck properly. No not-tanking here. Hell if Edmonton and Toronto keep playing like this (the latter being far more likely than the former), they might just swap places in the 29 and 30 spots! Quelle intrigue!
New Jersey 6, Columbus 3
Ilya Kovalchuk finally had That Game. Four points. Unstoppable. The day after his son is born, too. I don’t know, though, if the lesson is “Have Kids Every Day” or “Play Columbus Every Day.” Better do both just to be safe.
Boston 4, Atlanta 0
The Thrashers literally hyped this game as The Biggest Game of the Season on their website. They probably set an all-time attendance record tonight, judging by the crowd. There were at least 1,200 people in the building to see them get clowned by an awful Bruins team.
Ottawa 2, Philadelphia 0
Anton Volchenkov just friggin drilled Simon Gagne from behind. Dirty hit. No question. Still funny to see scumbag Philly fans cry when other teams are scumbaggy toward them.
Tampa Bay 3, Carolina 2 (OT)
Speaking of games no one went to: 13,009 is the listed attendance down at the St Pete Times Forum. They counted every person six times, from the look of the broadcast. Oh and Marty St. Louis had two goals so good news for you people that drafted him for your fantasy team.
Dallas 3, Nashville 1
This game was 1-1 until early in the third period when the Stars scored twice in 30 seconds. Dallas won despite being outshot 35-14. Yikes.
San Jose 4, Minnesota 1
Heyyyyyy there ya go guys!
Chicago 2, Phoenix 0
Battle of the Teams That Were Tied for First in the West. Phoenix was rather punchless and poor Ilya Bryzgalov made 30 saves in the loss.
Calgary 3, Anaheim 1
Niklas Hagman was freakin’ unreal tonight. That’s his contractually-obligated one good game per month. Take a few weeks off, Nik. You earned it big-time.
P.S. Please type your carefully-crafted jokes into the box four boxes below this line. (P.P.S. Nice to see you down here by the way. Didn’t think too many would make it this far.)