Don’t forget about the prizes!!!
For those of you unlucky enough to have actually sat through James Cameron’s epic “Avatar,” who then found yourselves additionally luckless to have suffered through tonight’s Ranger game, which was broadcast in 3D, you probably noticed some parallels.
When Avatar begins, there is a single blue speck floating apparently nearer to you than the screen. You can almost touch it. As the hero, whose name I forget, pulls himself from some sort of cryogenic sleep pod and out into the cabin of the ship, the full scope of the movie’s groundbreaking film-making is made apparent. You’re overcome with a definite sense of wonder at what you’re experiencing.
Likewise the first period of the Rangers/Islanders game. The Rangers came out flying, particularly and not surprisingly driven by the Gaborik line, pouring 15 shots on net, getting a little physical and generally outplaying the Islanders. They paid for every mistake they made. For most of the 20 minutes, it looked as though the visitors were standing still while Gaborik picked up a pair of first-period points, and it was 3-0 by the first intermission.
The film ends just as spectacularly as it opens, if you’re into explosion-y stuff. The final 25 percent of the movie is commanding flash-bang culmination of action so intense it leaves little room for denouement. And Gaborik once again assured tonight would be no different. He scored his second goal of the game and 39th(!) of the season about halfway through the period, once again carried by the Rangers, before Dan Girardi added a goal as meaningless and decadent as the entire idea of a 3-hour remake of Fern Gully with dragons and blue-alien-sex.
And just like Avatar, there was a whole lot of dull, interminable crap in the middle.
Washington 4, Pittsburgh 3 (SO)
Good display of skill from both Crosby and Ovechkin. Exciting game. Shootout victory. The home team picking up a win. Gary Bettman almost certainly pleasured himself to this contest.
Buffalo 3, Montreal 2 (SO)
Carey Price and Ryan Miller both allowed two goals in 65 minutes. One faced 42 shots. One faced 28. Guess which is which. The answer may surprise you. And by “may,” I mean, “will definitely.”
Detroit 4, St. Louis 2
Henrik Zetterberg had a goal and an assist. That makes three straight multiple-point games, and six in his last 10. I can confirm that this has helped my fantasy team immensely.
Colorado 4, Los Angeles 3 (SO)
I read this thing on Twitter that was like, “If Jon Quick wins tonight, it will be his 40th win of the season and he already has the Kings single-season record,” and I was like, “He will also be the most mediocre goaltender to win 40 games in a season ever.” Then he got pulled after he gave up three goals on 16 shots in 18:08 and I was like, “Yes that sounds just about right.”
Vancouver 4, Anaheim 1
Uh oh the Sedins are back. A goal and five assists between them. That is pretty good.
P.S. Please type your carefully-crafted jokes into the box four boxes below this line. (P.P.S. Nice to see you down here by the way. Didn’t think too many would make it this far.)