Good night: Averytar
Don’t forget about the prizes!!!
The Lead
For those of you unlucky enough to have actually sat through James Cameron’s epic “Avatar,” who then found yourselves additionally luckless to have suffered through tonight’s Ranger game, which was broadcast in 3D, you probably noticed some parallels.
When Avatar begins, there is a single blue speck floating apparently nearer to you than the screen. You can almost touch it. As the hero, whose name I forget, pulls himself from some sort of cryogenic sleep pod and out into the cabin of the ship, the full scope of the movie’s groundbreaking film-making is made apparent. You’re overcome with a definite sense of wonder at what you’re experiencing.
Likewise the first period of the Rangers/Islanders game. The Rangers came out flying, particularly and not surprisingly driven by the Gaborik line, pouring 15 shots on net, getting a little physical and generally outplaying the Islanders. They paid for every mistake they made. For most of the 20 minutes, it looked as though the visitors were standing still while Gaborik picked up a pair of first-period points, and it was 3-0 by the first intermission.
The film ends just as spectacularly as it opens, if you’re into explosion-y stuff. The final 25 percent of the movie is commanding flash-bang culmination of action so intense it leaves little room for denouement. And Gaborik once again assured tonight would be no different. He scored his second goal of the game and 39th(!) of the season about halfway through the period, once again carried by the Rangers, before Dan Girardi added a goal as meaningless and decadent as the entire idea of a 3-hour remake of Fern Gully with dragons and blue-alien-sex.
And just like Avatar, there was a whole lot of dull, interminable crap in the middle.
Elsewhere…
Washington 4, Pittsburgh 3 (SO)
Good display of skill from both Crosby and Ovechkin. Exciting game. Shootout victory. The home team picking up a win. Gary Bettman almost certainly pleasured himself to this contest.
Buffalo 3, Montreal 2 (SO)
Carey Price and Ryan Miller both allowed two goals in 65 minutes. One faced 42 shots. One faced 28. Guess which is which. The answer may surprise you. And by “may,” I mean, “will definitely.”
Detroit 4, St. Louis 2
Henrik Zetterberg had a goal and an assist. That makes three straight multiple-point games, and six in his last 10. I can confirm that this has helped my fantasy team immensely.
Colorado 4, Los Angeles 3 (SO)
I read this thing on Twitter that was like, “If Jon Quick wins tonight, it will be his 40th win of the season and he already has the Kings single-season record,” and I was like, “He will also be the most mediocre goaltender to win 40 games in a season ever.” Then he got pulled after he gave up three goals on 16 shots in 18:08 and I was like, “Yes that sounds just about right.”
Vancouver 4, Anaheim 1
Uh oh the Sedins are back. A goal and five assists between them. That is pretty good.
P.S. Please type your carefully-crafted jokes into the box four boxes below this line. (P.P.S. Nice to see you down here by the way. Didn’t think too many would make it this far.)
March 25th, 2010 at 1:22 am
The only thing Quick about the Kings game was the speed with which he got yanked.
March 25th, 2010 at 1:22 am
Which is appropriate, because playoff victories for the Rangers might as well be Unobtanium. Is this thing on?
March 25th, 2010 at 2:01 am
If Sean Avery gets into a fight during a 3-D game, can you actually see him crawl back into the second dimension, or do you need special glasses for that?
March 25th, 2010 at 2:26 am
This is really the only way to make Wade Redden’s play jump out to you.
March 25th, 2010 at 9:29 am
I hate this goddamn team. I’d probably be more angry if I was at MSG lastnight.
March 25th, 2010 at 11:50 am
That third dimension of F-bomb was clearly too much for Tort, who was able to obstain due to the pounding of the Isles.
March 25th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Carey Price has the same amount of luck as Jesus, he can try to save his people all he wants but he still ends up on the cross.
March 25th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
If the Avatar Gaborik wasn’t smiling I’d say that would be a similar image.
March 25th, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Your quip about Quick made me do some research on the subject of the shittiest goaltender to hit 40 wins. It is actually Wayne Stephenson. Did it with the Flyers in 75-76 and then never broke 20 wins afterwards.
Had a badass mask though. tinyurl.com/yl9hhn3
March 25th, 2010 at 4:31 pm
Having had the misfortune of seeing Avatar in 3D, I felt that you should have led with a Public Service announcement. Something along of the lines of “Watching the Rangers may cause headaches, dizziness, and ocular discomfort. Viewing this broadcast in 3D will only increase the severity of these symptoms.”
March 25th, 2010 at 6:15 pm
I hope Gaborik is happy being the only good player on the Rangers. We’re doing much better without him here in Minnesota! oh wait…..
March 25th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
My favourite part of the Caps-Pens game is the slightly-above-average French-Canadian goaltenders. He saved a fleury of shots! And they only let in three or four! (I hope no one takes me to tosk for the goalie puns, because I can keep going a luongo time, and I never stop thinking they’re hillerarious… okay, that one was a stretch. I don’t have one osgood as MLSE’s Quick pun up there.)
March 25th, 2010 at 6:45 pm
galaxysong9, your mother should have swallowed you.
March 25th, 2010 at 8:25 pm
Yeah, but when you think about it, 1-5-6 against the Ducks is really just worth hitting the goalpost and a few 2nd assists against a real team.
March 25th, 2010 at 11:21 pm
Galaxy, being a successful commenter means more than making goalie puns Auld day. All I Rask is that you don’t tarnish your stellar commenting Legace. Otherwise, you’re Rinne lot of trouble.
Also: Bacashihua. Something about Bacashihua. I’m still working on that one.
March 26th, 2010 at 12:10 am
beards
March 26th, 2010 at 12:27 am
they should have replaced sean avery with sam worthington. i mean, they look the same, and who really cares that much about avery?
March 26th, 2010 at 2:22 am
jonathan Quick’s glovehand is worse than Dan Blackburn’s.
I’ve posted that elsewhere, but it’s the best hockey joke I’ve ever come up.
March 26th, 2010 at 11:47 am
Quack, goalie puns are always cash money!
March 29th, 2010 at 3:46 pm
Hey… it’s “P.S.S.” not “P.P.S.” WTH is wrong with you?
Just kidding; nice blog - love your take on mediocre Quick’s 40 wins, though I am a long-time King’s fan and I’m hoping (beyond hope frankly) that they go far in the playoffs.
March 29th, 2010 at 3:51 pm
Hey Quack,
How about “Bacashihua”… gesundheit.