Good night: TORONTOOoooOOOo
The Lead
See, there are three kinds of Leafs fans right now and all of them are intolerable and stupid.
The first kind is the one that is ironically going, “LOL LET’S PLAN THE PARADE.”
These people are annoying because everyone on the planet knows the Maple Leafs are still going to finish with a lottery pick. How do they know that, those of you who have been furiously F5ing Lost fansites all week for the latest theory on the smoke monster (he’s a dinosaur made of smoke what’s not to get?) might be asking? Because their second-line center tonight was like John Mitchell or something stupid like that. Have you heard of John Mitchell? I have. He’s the crippled old dude from Lost that is the boss of The Island or something. I don’t know. I barely watch that show. Anywho, yes, the team is crap so you’re calling attention to how crap it is by acting like it’s not crap. We got it.
The second kind is the one that actually thinks this team could sneak into the playoffs.
Yeah, Dion Phaneuf is trying to make a big impact I heard. So excited to be in Toronto. Newsflash to all y’all tire-pumpin’ Leaf fans though: this tough guy act is a real dog-and-pony show. He’ll be making awful pinches and putting point shots 40 feet wide of the endboards and getting spun by third-liners before the Olympic break and everyone in the Toronto dressing room will hate him as much as they hated Jason Blake. And since they both look like movie monsters it’s really trading Gollum for Frankenstein, so no big deal. And I know Freddy Sjostrom had an assist tonight and somehow this was good for the No. 3 star or something equal-to-or-greater-than that level of stupidity but that assist, I believe, tripled his yearly output for points so good luck the rest of the way there. And then yeah JS Giguere got the big shutout in his debut but I’m pretty sure he’s a) 62 years old and b) the guy that was so awful he was backing up Jonas Hiller as recently as Saturday night. Ease up I guess is my point, because this is a really bad team and the best you can hope for is not giving Boston a lottery pick this June.
The third kind is the ones that are all woe-is-me and look at the first two kinds and go SHUT UP YOU GUYS GODDDddddd.
We get it, you’re trying to be rational and you’re putting on a brave face and harumphing your way through life because hey man they only lit up Yann Danis who hasn’t gotten a start since before American Thanksgiving (not the crazy Canadian one in October which doesn’t even make sense!). Know who gets to be curmudgeonly about hockey? Me. Not you. You can’t sit around waiting for the other shoe to drop just because you’ve resigned yourself to the unfairness of reality. That’s no fun.
Do what I do and make fun of all three groups. They’re all stupid in their own unique way.
Elsewhere…
Washington 4, Boston 1
It was actually 1-1 through two periods. Then in the third it was like the Caps threw a switch and they played like the Caps should. The Bruins haven’t won in eight games, by the way. Will they get two lottery picks!?
Tampa Bay 2, Atlanta 1
Antero Niittymaki is 16-0-0 against the Thrashers in his career. I know I make up phony stats a lot to illustrate points, but not this time brother. He has 16 wins in as many tries.
Montreal 3, Vancouver 2
Only two days after I fawn all over the Sedins on PD they only get one point between them tonight and lose to the Habs. At what point do they consider keeping Halak, who made 45 saves tonight, and moving Price?
Phoenix 1, Nashville 0 (SO)
Doesn’t this just want to make people in Phoenix haul ass to Glendale to watch a bunch more games just like this? Final shots were a whopping 26-25, and they had a 10-round shootout (there were only three goals on the 20 combined shootout attempts, by the way). Pekka Rinne probably killed a teammate after the game.
Dallas 4, Minnesota 2
I’m pretty sure this was a Versus game. Nothing says big ratings like two Western Conference doormats with 117 points between them coming into this tilt to end all tilts.
Colorado 5, Columbus 1
TJ Galliardi had four freaking assists tonight. Crazy.
Los Angeles 2, New York Rangers 1
Final shots: 21-all. That’s right. Welcome to the Olli Jokinen era, Ranger fans.
Detroit 4, San Jose 2
Real good win for the Wings here. Beating the Sharks in the Shark Tank is not easy I guess. They outshot the Sharks by a wide margin and everything.
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:29 am
We’re actually more excited about the shutout and witnessing a defensive effort that has been lacking most of the year, than we are about lighting up Danis.
As for Jason Blake, he was actually quite well-liked in the room by all accounts. Can’t speak to his former reputation, but in his time here he was a team guy and, despite not finding success on the scoresheet, worked his tail off every night. Which, sadly, couldn’t be said for many other members of the team (Kessel and White excepted - you will love him). If half this team had worked as hard as Blake did, they may have actually made the playoffs a couple of times since the lockout. Alas, that was not the case and here we are.
There is a fourth kind of Leafs fan, the kind that knows exactly how far away from being a reasonable contender the team is, enjoys a win for what it is and doesn’t get too carried away on the basis of a single game. There aren’t many, but they’re out there.
Far as I see it, the trade was good for both sides. The Flames are operating on a short-term approach (Iggy and Kiprusoff aren’t getting any younger), whereas the Leafs are looking to establish a core toward future success. You guys get a very underrated player in Ian White, and some secondary scoring that was sorely needed. Spreading Phaneuf’s contract out to cover three forward spots and another defender was a brilliant move, in terms of your organization’s immediate goals. Nevermind the flexibility you will have in the offseason. As for the Leafs, we get a still-young defender not far removed from Norris consideration, who could be a building block for the future, as well as a start at restocking the prospect cupboard. Like I said, needs filled on both sides.
Cheers, and good luck the rest of the way. Looking forward to seeing Hagman, Stajan, White and Mayers having an impact in the playoffs. Especially White - the postseason would be a much-deserved reward for a guy who worked as hard as he did to earn his place.
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:39 am
Heh. You’re that third type but for the Flames. That’s why we love you.
February 3rd, 2010 at 2:40 am
disagree because i see the tragic comedy in all three.
February 3rd, 2010 at 5:00 am
You forgot the fourth group: Leafs groupies. The ones who have no idea what you are talking about above, somehow find Phil Kessel attractive, and still don’t know that Kessel’s, um, “one man short.”
February 3rd, 2010 at 8:02 am
So, I know that the joke is Phaneuf is a Frankensteinian looking zombie motherfucker, but does Kaberle’s skin tone in that picture look… unhealthy to anyone else?
February 24th, 2010 at 8:03 pm
Whether you publish my comments or not, your blog is still an embarrassment. So, you don’t like Leaf fans, but you spend so much time bashing them.
So, to follow in your footsteps, I don’t like your blog and I am spending time bashing you.
I said good day!
March 6th, 2010 at 12:23 am
Actually, TLP there are only two types of leaf fans. they are
1. Leaf fans and
2. Those who wish they were Leaf fans