The Two-Line Pass

The Lead

Tonight provides a wonderful example of the reason John Tortorella is perfect for the New York market.

After watching his Rangers, who seem intent to play with an ever-increasing lack of passion or skill or even basic competence and understanding of the game, get embarrassed by the sorta-crosstown rival Islanders, he kinda went off in the postgame presser.

He dropped f-bombs. He dropped s-bombs. He even used one of my favorite terms: “horsesh*t.” (Christ I feel like such a dink using that asterisk, but I have to feign respectability apparently.)

I will now intentionally violate my “Don’t use quotes in Good Night” policy because just wait until you read these kneeslappers.

“Horses**t coverage. A flukey goal, the kind we never get. There’s horsesh*t coverage around the corners, he just brings it around the net. It’s a fluky goal. But we don’t get them.”

“The thing is, when we play like sh*t like that, it is simply unacceptable. Something has to be done. Wish I could give you an answer.”

“There has to be a f*cking explanation for it, but I can’t give you one now.”

And so forth. We’ve all seen the famous “Brooksie” video and that’s hilarious enough, but now I honestly cannot wait to watch this over and over. And the best part, unlike when he and Larry Brooks had that little pissing match, he’s absolutely right about how terrible the Rangers are, and have been all season.

And here’s where he did something very shrewd: The ravenous, schadenfreude-fueled New York Media are all atwitter about his little performance art piece tonight. They’re all talking about what a maniac Tortorella is. How he’s losing his mind and professional coaches shouldn’t act this way and we should all be appalled blahblahblah.

But what they’re not talking about is his team’s sh*tty f*cking horsesh*t performance. Or how they’re tied with three other teams for second-worst in the NHL. Or how whether or not his teams wins is predicated almost entirely on how many goals Marian Gaborik scores or sets up (he has 23 of the Rangers’ 89 goals for the entire season and assists on 19 more). Or how the defense stinks like the South Street Seaport.

And if he could get anyone his team to play with the kind of anger and emotion he showed in swatting his chair into the wall at the presser’s conclusion, then he’d actually be a good coach.

Elsewhere…

New Jersey 2, Montreal 1

This was the game in which Martin Brodeur passed Terry Sawchuck in all-time cheeseburgers eaten games played for a goaltender. Pretty impressive. And all that separated him from tying Patrick Roy’s all-time shutout record was a.. wait, a shorthanded goal by Travis Moen? Okay if you say so.

Carolina 5, Dallas 3

I’m pretty sure if Carolina hangs a five-spot on a team, the goalie should immediately be sent to the KHL. The Stars are an awful team in pretty much every measurable way. Also five of the game’s eight penalties were hooking calls. Isn’t that funny?

Phoenix 6, Toronto 3

To be honest 6-3 makes this look nicer than it was. At one point in the second period the Coyotes led 5-1. Ilya Bryzgalov won and almost had to work kinda hard to do it. Feast or famine, baby!

Ottawa 2, Buffalo 0

I’m pretty sure this is the opposite of what I expected to happen. With the way Ryan Miller is playing this year, I can’t understand why the Sabres aren’t undefeated or something close to that.

Florida 4, Atlanta 3

Announced attendance for this one: 11,672. From the highlights I saw, they counted every one person in attendance at least 11,672 times.

Chicago 3, St. Louis 0

Hey remember when Calgary gave up four to the Blues LAST NIGHT? I sure do. Also Patrick Kane had three assists and Marian Hossa had a goal and I dunno some other good stuff happened if you like the Blackhawks which I now officially do not.

Anaheim 3, Vancouver 2

Man watch out for the Ducks in the second half. This is a scarily talented team that got off to a rotten start that I may or may not attribute to Randy Carlyle looking like my high school principal.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 17th, 2009 at 3:01 am and is filed under Good night. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.