The Two-Line Pass

Because I tend to not blog on the weekends, here is a feature that will run through the entire season. It aims to recap the weekend’s events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact about each team. And hell, there’s a ton of other crap for me to blather on about too. And yes, I’m totally ripping off just about every other blogger ever’s weekly column, but that’s something you’ll have to deal with on your own time.

Danger: This post contains language that some people might not like. This will be the only thing on the site that regularly does so.

I’ve been sick of Mats Sundin since July or so, and now that he’s signed with Vancouver I wish everyone would just shut up about him.

No such luck. Somehow, his signing made even more headlines than his not-signing, for which I place the blame entirely upon TSN. The Vancouver fans, of course, are in hysterics, as though signing a not-in-game-shape, 37-year-old center to a marginal playoff team instantly makes it a contender for the Stanley Cup. But no one, and that includes every HFBoards fanboy, every guy that yells “SHOOOOOOOT” on every power play and every talk radio caller in the history of the sport, had a more insanely idiotic take on the Sundin signing than did the Vancouver Province’s Ed Willes.

Yes, you have gone from a possible eight seed to a sure playoff berth and another probable first-round exit. If you’re lucky, you make the second round. Is that worth $5.5 million for the remainder of the season?

First, some context.

From the beginning of their existence, the Vancouver Canucks’ fortunes have been governed by a force which seemed to delight in raising their fans’ hopes, then crushing those hopes like a tin can.

It started with that damnable spin of the wheel which gave Gilbert Perreault to the Buffalo Sabres and Dale Tallon to the Canucks. It continued through the ’70s and ’80s with a series of bad teams and even worse drafts.

Interestingly I cannot name one good goaltender in the history of the Canucks whose name was not Roberto Luongo, but surely that has no correlation to the fact that the team has been pretty much awful for the entirety of its existence.

I mean, look at their all-time goaltending leaders. Kirk McLean is the franchise leader in career wins, with 211 over more than 11 seasons. To repeat: Their ALL-TIME WINS LEADER had a 211-228-62 record (a .469 winning percentage!) with 20 shutouts (also a franchise-record) in 516 games. That has always been the Canucks’ problem. Kirk McLean should never be anyone’s best goalie ever. The fact that Dan Cloutier once held the team’s all-time goals-against average record, before it was mercifully wrested from his tenuous grasp by Luongo, with a 2.42 in the Dead Puck era tells you all you need to know about the Canucks’ actual problems.

The lack of Gilbert Perreault is among the least of the Canucks’ problems.

Then along came the first messiahs: Igor Larionov and, ahem, Vladimir Krutov. After some success in the early ’90s, they brought in Messiah No. 2, Mark Messier, who was an even bigger disaster than Krutov. In the early part of this decade, they had the Detroit Red Wings down 2-0 in the playoffs when Dan Cloutier fanned on a 90-foot slap shot from Nick Lidstrom. Two years later, their all-star left winger Todd Bertuzzi assaulted Steve Moore with a month to go in the regular season and was suspended for the postseason.

And that was on the ice. Off the ice, we don’t have the space to get into the many firings. lawsuits and assorted other intrigues which have characterized the Canucks and with which you are all familiar.

Wow that’s a lot of information. To be fair to the Canucks, both Larionov and Krutov were actually good pickups in theory, with both being 29 at the time they were imported and presumably in the primes of their careers. That things didn’t work out is unfortunate and certainly didn’t help the team in the one or three years they were there, but these were guys that were drafted in the 11th and 12 rounds, respectively. So chill out on that.

It’s important to keep in mind, too, that you, as Canucks fans, had pinned your playoff hopes from 2001 or so up until the Luongo trade on Dan Cloutier. The Bertuzzi thing is just a stupid excuse whose root problem goes back to that last sentence I just typed.

Mark Messier, though? Who actually though a 37-year-old bald center who put up big numbers the year before with his long-time team was going to hel… ohhhhhhhhhhhh. Jeez. Yeah, that sucks, huh? Yeesh.

I mean, maybe they lacked the mythic quality of the other great curses — your Chicago Cubs, your Boston Red Sox — but, when you examine things closely, the Canucks’ history stacks up against any team in any sport.

Agreed. The issue with the Cubbies or Sox or any other team that goes a long-ass time without winning anything — and any related curse talk is ridiculous, by the way — is that they were, for many years, like the Canucks. They ignored the most important position (pitching/goaltending) in favor of offense (big bats/power forwards) and you see where that got them.

So what are we to make of this latest turn of events?

Well, it’s hard to believe again when you’ve had your heart ripped out as many times as Canucks’ fans but yesterday’s announcement that Mats Sundin is coming to town feels like history has been turned on its head. This is our Curt Schilling bloody sock. This is our LeBron James draft.

Pump ya brakes, Willes. This is insane talk. I fail to see how signing a 37-year-old anything, no matter how good he is or was, compares to Schilling’s laundry or drafting the most intriguing basketball talent of our generation. Schilling’s sock made for a nice visual, of course, but that Red Sox win against the Yankees in the 2004 American League Championship series was built upon the pitching of Schilling, Pedro Martinez, Bronson Arroyo, Derek Lowe and Keith Foulke as well as the fortuitous collaboration of untimely injuries to Yankee stars. I won’t even dignify comparing the Sundin signing to drafting LeBron with pointing out how fucking retarded it is to say something like that, except to say that it’s fucking retarded.

This is the moment when all that rancid karma has been reversed. As late as yesterday everyone — and I mean everyone — in the hockey world expected Sundin to pick the New York Rangers because that’s the way these things always work out. Instead, he picked the Canucks, which is like the prettiest girl in the school picking the president of the debating club over the captain of the football team.

Well it didn’t help that the president of the debate club offered the prettiest girl in school a shitload more money to go to prom with him. And, I hate to break it to you, but the Rangers ain’t the captain of the football team. Given their current position in the league and where they seem headed in the future, they might be the blocking tight end for third-and-short run packages.

I know every instinct is telling you this can’t possibly work because it’s the Canucks and these things never work for this team.

I’m not sure what “things” you mean. Surely signing near-elderly free agents in the middle of the season for a lot of money is a “thing” that the Canucks have never tried before. Correct me if I’m wrong on this.

This time, it’s different. Honest.

This works on so many levels, in fact, it’s hard to conceive of them all. Think for a moment about the message it sends the other Canucks, particularly Roberto Luongo, who enters the last year of his contract next season, and think of what this does for the Sedins.

Now think what it says that Sundin left money on the table to ensure the Canucks’ maximum flexibility at the trade deadlline.

Probably doesn’t hurt that the only other significant offer Sundin was getting, that from the Rangers obviously, was for substantially less money because of the team’s inflexibility against the cap. Vancouver had planned for this signing since the summer and therefore had the cap space to make it happen, where the Rangers found themselves to be contenders late in the game and put together the best package they could for Sundin, which, when compared to the Canucks offer, was far less attractive for a player that’s clearly motivated by money. He “left money on the table” because that offer was the best he’d get, and he knew it.

Now think that all it cost to add Sundin is money. That’s it. No players. No draft picks. Just $6 million for the best free agent available.

To be fair, though, his primary competition for “best free agent available” is Glen Murray.

All this, of course, is predicated on the assumption that Sundin is the player we saw with the Leafs last season and we could kick that one around for a while. But over his last five seasons in The Big Smoke, Sundin averaged 75 games, 31 goals and 76 points a season and he’s now had nine months to rest his 37-year-old body.

That last part is the important one. He’s 37 and he’s taken nine months off from hockey. How in-shape is he going to be? How much poker did he play in that nine months when he should have been out running, or lifting weights or skating? He said himself on Hockey Night in Canada that he wasn’t sure what he’d be doing this season for a large part of that nine months and probably didn’t train as hard as he normally would have. I fail to see how this is a good thing.

Taking everything into consideration, then, this what you have: A 6-foot-5, 230-pound centreman who averages a point a game; who, according to his former teammates, has an unimpeachable character; who’s been the team captain in the NHL’s toughest market; and who is now playing for less-than-market value for the Canucks, who needed a front-line centre the way a lion needs meat.

Less than market value? Uhh, his prorated contract is worth $8.6 million, which is only below market value if you’re considering “market value” to be the ridiculous contract offer of $20 million for two years that the Canucks originally offered. In reality, only Alex Ovechkin and Sidney Crosby have contracts that pay them more annually. It’s still a not-good deal for the Canucks, but with their cap space, they can at least afford it.

And Jesus Christ, how many points does Henrik Sedin have to score to be considered a “front-line” center!?

That’s pretty good. But what’s better is he arrives at a moment when so many forces are converging for the Canucks. Maybe this doesn’t end with a parade. Maybe we don’t get the ultimate happy ending.

But, no matter what happens from here, everything about this move is right — and how many times could you say that over the last 40 years?

This is the closest thing to a cogent point in this entire article, except you absolutely and certainly do not get the ultimate happy ending, nor is everything about this move necessarily right. But the SENTIMENT of the move is right, and that’s perhaps what counts most.

It’s a move that makes the Canucks better, inarguably. They were short on center depth and now they’re not. Sundin can probably have a very positive impact. But there are so many unknowns — how does the time off affect him, how does his age affect him, how does the more physical and tougher Western Conference affect him, how do his new linemates affect him, etc etc etc — that it’s hard to just go “Well jeez I think the Canucks pretty much have it knocked, huh?”

What We Learned

Anaheim — Teemu Selanne’s out four to six weeks with a cut he sustained while falling on his own skate, cutting himself open just above the knee. If you just see the video without this prior knowledge, it doesn’t seem so bad, but knowing that makes it an awful difficult watch. That’s a bad break for Selanne and the Ducks both.

Atlanta — Kovalchuk for Gaborik is about the stupidest deal I’ve ever heard in my life. I know it’s Bruce Garrioch and he said that Malkin was going to get traded to the Kings and all that, but what motivation does Don Waddell have to trade for a guy whose contract is up BEFORE Kovy’s, apart from blind stupidity? Kim Johnsson? Okay sure. Even by Garrioch standards, this is ridiculous.

Boston — David Krejci had another three assists in Boston’s game against St. Louis today, all in the first period. This kid came out of nowhere, huh? He had 6-21-27 in 56 games last year and already has 12-24-36 in 33 games so far this year. Another incredibly underrated Bruin who’s contributing big-time to the team’s success.

P.S. This was an ill-advised scrap for BJ Crombeen.

Buffalo — Were I the Sabres, I’d be a little bit embarrassed to have given up 40 shots to the Kings on Friday, but hey, Ryan Miller stopped all of them so I guess there’s not too much to complain about, eh?

Calgary — Jarome Iginla scored his 800th point Friday night with an assist on a nifty little pass to Rene Bourque (who’s been outstanding in Calgary, by the way). For what it’s worth, Iginla is now sixth among all NHLers in scoring since his rookie year of 1996, one ahead of Paul Kariya, and behind Jaromir Jagr (1061), Joe Sakic (895), Mats Sundin (857), Teemu Selanne (843) and Dany Alfredsson (813). He will have presumably cruised past Alfie by the end of the season. Not a bad little career for a guy who had next to no help for the majority of his time in the league.

Carolina — The Hurricanes have no doubt improved under Paul Maurice, going 4-2-3 in nine games as opposed to 12-11-2 under Peter Laviolette, but at what cost? In watching the Canes/Habs game today, a 3-2 overtime win for Carolina, they struck me as a mind-numbingly boring, mediocre team. Hard to argue with results, I guess, but getting there sucks to watch. I’d rather they be more exciting and just lose.

Chicago — Someone might want to get a rape kit for the Northwest Division after Chicago rolled through. Nine days ago against Colorado, the ‘Hawks won 4-3. On Tuesday, they decimated Edmonton 9-2(!). Friday, they beat Calgary 3-2 in overtime. Last night they cruised past Vancouver 3-1. What horrible fate awaits the Minnesota Wild next Sunday is anyone’s guess.

Colorado — This is a blog post about the Colorado Avalanche’s 3-0 loss to the FLORIDA PANTHERS. It could very well be a post about the Colorado Avalanche’s season to this point.

I tried as hard as I could to think of one, single, solitary good thing that happened in today’s game, but sadly, there is absolutely nothing worthwhile to write about.

I relish things like this. They bring great joy to my life.

Columbus — Poor, poor Derrick Brassard. He was having an unreal season. Then this happened. Four to six months? Jesus that’s awful for the kid.

Dallas — I can’t tell what’s worse, the fact that Dallas gave up ANOTHER five goals, this time to the remarkably bad Senators offense, or the fact that Ottawa was thrilled to have beaten Dallas. These are two awful, awful teams.

Detroit — What an asshole Kris Draper is. Bitching about plus-minus? Who cares? By the way, here’s how you know plus-minus is a ridiculous stat: Marek Malik once led the league in it.

Edmonton — Few things brought me greater happiness this week than that 9-2 game against Chicago. If I ever need cheering up, someone just send me the highlights of that game.

Florida — The Florida Panthers are three points out of eighth with two games in hand on most of the Eastern Conference’s current playoff teams. All while their leading scorer is a defenseman with 18 points in 32 games. Boy, the Eastern Conference really sucks this year.

Los Angeles — Jon Quick gave up five goals on 35 shots against the Red Wings on Saturday and one on eight in relief of Jason LaBarbera on Friday. Six goals on 43 shots in 75:32 makes a stat line of 4.68/.860. Just another UMass Amherst product that didn’t pan out. I won’t bore you with the details of the time I tried to talk a Kings scout out of his fascination with Quick.

Minnesota — Cal Clutterbuck’s been throwing his body around a lot. He has 109 hits this season in 28 games (that’s a lot, sixth in the league in fact) compared to Stephane Veilleux’s team-leading 113 ALL OF LAST YEAR. How does a team that plays that much defensive hockey have its leader only get 113 hits. Only Vancouver had fewer hits from its team leader last year. Byron Ritchie led the charge with a whopping 89, which is kinda sad.

Montreal — Weirder situation: Robert Lang’s 10 goals (now 11) pacing the Canadiens or Robert Lang actually being looked at as a legitimately good pickup by. I can’t figure out that Habs team.

Nashville — It’s getting bad for the Predators’ offense. Media members are actually discussing an AHL callup getting a real shot at sticking on the top two lines as though it’s a viable, smart option. Note to Nashville: TRADE FOR A WINGER.

New Jersey — The Devs are just another team that has taken to kicking a soccer ball around before every game. Lots of teams seem to be doing this now. Goddamn Europeans!

New York Rangers — I know the official company line is “Sundin chased the money,” but the Rangers had no business being in the market for him anyway. Signing Sundin would’ve been a really daft move on Glen Sather’s part. They’re much better off without Sundin.

New York Islanders — Brendan Witt says the Islanders have defensive problems. I think the 17 goals they’ve scored in the last nine games ain’t helpin’ matters.

Ottawa — Dany Alfredsson had to be helped off the ice after he got clobbered by Jere Lehtinen on Saturday. The Sens offense without Alfie might be the scariest thing in the league right now for all the wrong reasons.

Philadelphia — Riley Cote had a busy weekend. Not a successful one, mind you. But a busy one.

Phoenix — Ilya Bryzgalov is finally playing like Ilya Bryzgalov. Three goals against and a shutout in his last three games, and the Coyotes are 2-0-1. Yes this is a very good Bryzgalov.

Pittsburgh — Why did people lose their mind over Sid Crosby punching Boris Valabik in the balls? He CLEARLY punched him in the ass. No big deal.

San Jose — Why Fear the Fin is an astonishingly good blog: Game takes by Marcus Tullius Cicero.

St. Louis — The St. Louis Police Department really has its priorities in order. It spent a few thousand dollars each on some badges for high-ranking police officials. My favorite part though: “The vote came just hours before the department admitted that it had wrongly kept up to $6 million seized in arrests. Neither the badges nor the seized money came up for public discussion.” That’s just awesome.

Tampa Bay — Good for Marty St. Louis. Someone had to call out the Bolts for their embarrassing play. I’m really, really hoping we get the R-rated version of that speech though. All we know right now is that he said, “I’m fucking fed up.” Let’s hope the video gets out soon.

Toronto — Down Goes Brown is a great blog, but its front page right now typifies a big problem I have with Leaf fans. You guys don’t get the right to bitch about Mats Sundin because your team told him to take a hike. Not that I think that was the wrong decision, but at this point it’s been nine months. Who cares?

Vancouver — I really, really hope Mason Raymond and Jannik Hansen are on Sundin’s line. Just to see how Mats handles that.

Washington — Jeez, even Tom Boswell is writing articles about how awesome Alex Ovechkin is? He must be really, really awesome. “Ovechkin is monster.” If I had a Capitals blog, I would name it that.

Play of the Weekend

If you didn’t see Blake Wheeler’s shorthanded goal against the St. Louis Blues AND you don’t watch the following video, don’t worry. You’ll be seeing it on highlight reels for the rest of the season. Wheels is having himself a hell of a rookie season in Boston.

But oh those NESN announcers. Going out of their way to shit on Patrik Berglund, of whom I guarantee you they’ve seen very little, in talking up Wheeler’s Calder hopes. Newsflash: Good though Berglund may be, he’s also the No. 3 or 4 rookie in his own DIVISION. Steve Mason, Kris Versteeg and Derrick Brassard (before he got his season ended) were all more viable candidates than Berglund, not that he hasn’t had a fine season. And oh yeah, he still has more points than Wheeler. Jack Edwards and Andy Brickley are both clowns.

Gold Star Award

Scott Hartnell had a hat trick and two assists in two games this weekend. Also his hair would be awesome if her were a woman and this were 1986.

Next week’s game I’m totally going to watch on Center Ice if I’m home

Boston vs. New Jersey on Tuesday night. Two blazing hot teams in a clash right before Christmas. My dad used to take me to the last Bruins home game before Christmas every year when I was a kid so this game on the schedule will always be pretty special to me.

Event that should replace the shootout and would be just as relevant to hockey skill

Mats Sundin lookalike contest. Winner gets the two points AND way too much money.

Soccer update only I care about

What a frustrating draw at the Emirates this morning. Emmanuel Adebayor was sent off in the 60th minute on a controversial red card given by referee Howard Webb, and Liverpool spent a good majority of their 30-minute advantage dicking around with the ball and making foolish fouls in attacking positions. The resultant 1-1 draw was enfuriating and well-deserved. They had no urgency in attack, and in fact kept six men back even when up a man and facing a strike force composed entirely of Robin van Persie and no one else. A win would have guaranteed Liverpool stayed at least a point clear of the Blues atop the table. This was all quite upsetting, and ensured that Liverpool head into Christmas in second place after leading the Premier League for the majority of the season, since Chelsea are going to storm into Goodison Park tomorrow and throttle Everton.

The Reds did, however, get a cracker from Robbie Keane just before halftime to pull even, so there’s that.

College hockey update only I care about

Thank Christ Lowell didn’t have a game this week. I need the three weeks off from the worry.

The No. 1 DVD I own and kind of want to watch this week but likely will not

Same thing I watch every Christmas Eve: Die Hard. Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.

An update on last week’s “No. 1 DVD I own and kind of want to watch this week but likely will not“

Seven Samurai is still an awesome movie.

Perfect HFBoards trade proposal of the week

When you see a thread titled “Mother Of All Trades,” you have to click on it. The proposal, cooked up by “andrepeterson,” did not disappoint.

To Ottawa
Ilya Kovalchuk
Sheldon Souray
Andrew Cogliano
Erik Cole
Atlanta’s 3rd round pick 2009

To Edmonton
Jason Spezza
Jason Smith
Antoine Vermette

To Atlanta
Edmonton’s 1st round pick 2009
Ottawa’s 1st round pick 2009
Ottawa’s 1st round pick 2010 (note: the draft after next season)
Ilya Zubov
Jesse Winchester

Looking at this as a give-take trade, Atlanta gave up Ilya Kovalchuk and a third rounder and got three first-round picks, Ilya Zubov and Jesse Winchester. Don Waddell’s just crazy enough to do it!

Signoff in a language that’s not English

This entry was posted on Monday, December 22nd, 2008 at 3:44 am and is filed under What We Learned. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.