The Two-Line Pass

Because I tend to not blog on the weekends, here is a feature that will run through the entire season. It aims to recap the weekend’s events and boils those events down to one admittedly superficial fact about each team that played. And hell, there’s a ton of other crap for me to blather on about too. And yes, I’m totally ripping off just about every other blogger ever’s weekly column, but that’s something you’ll have to deal with on your own time.

Danger: This post contains language that some people might not like. This will be the only thing on the site that regularly does so.

Why is it that every time someone gets cleaned out in the neutral zone on a perfectly clean hit that everyone has to get up in arms about protecting players’ heads?

It’s especially mindboggling in the case of the latest cause célèbre, Doug Weight’s pummelling of rookie Brandon Sutter in Saturday’s Isles/Canes game. Sutter was chasing a loose puck in the neutral zone and leaned forward quite a bit to try to corral it. Doug Weight, being a smart player, saw the opportunity to teach Sutter that trying for plays like that in the neutral zone are often bad ideas.

Look, it’s terrible that Sutter has a concussion as a result of what amounts to a rookie mistake, and it’s terrible that serious head injuries continue to happen. But here’s something you’re taught in hockey from the second other players can make contact with you: KEEP YOUR HEAD UP! You wanna skate through open ice with your head down, that’s your fucking problem. It’s a dumb way to play the game and a hell of a way to end up with a mushy brain and an early retirement. This wasn’t a concussion like Patrice Bergeron got, and this wasn’t a broken leg Kurtis Foster had to deal with. This was a wide-open play in the neutral zone and it was a mistake by Sutter. He paid for it.

But now everyone that’s ever been to a Hurricanes game has a crybaby opinion about this hit.

First coach Peter Laviolette had some boo-hooing to do immediately after the game:

“That hit has to be removed from the game,” Laviolette said. “Guys are really getting hurt.

“By the letter of the law, (Weight’s) arm didn’t come up. But they’re trying to take away blows to the head and (Sutter) was in a vulnerable position and was knocked out.”

And who put Sutter in that vulnerable position? There was no one within five feet of him besides Doug Weight, and Doug Weight made contact with him for a split second on that hit. So, logically, the answer is Brandon Sutter made a stupid mistake in putting his head down and not being aware that the Weight train was a-chuggin’ his way. I don’t see how the league can legislate some kid putting himself in a vulnerable position. And is Doug Weight just supposed to let him go by and have a free shot at the net? Jesus Christ, that’s JOEY MACDONALD back there. A free shot at the net is probably going to be a goal!

Stupid argument, Lavvy.

Next, ‘Canes GM Jim Rutherford whined to Bob MacKenzie about it:

“The league should at least stop saying it’s concerned with hits to the head, because it’s not,” Rutherford told TSN.ca. “I’ve had four players - Erik Cole, Trevor Letowski, Matt Cullen and now Brandon Sutter - get badly injured on hits to the head and only one of the guys who hit them was suspended. So don’t tell me the league is concerned about hits to the head because it’s not.”

“I realize there are only two ways you can go on this. Either you have a penalty for head-checking, like they do in the Ontario Hockey League, or you don’t and we don’t in the NHL and I understand that and that’s fine, I guess, but don’t tell anyone you care about protecting the players’ heads because it’s not happening.”

Watch that video again and then watch the hits on Cole, Letowski and Cullen. What’s the similarity between those three hits and the one on Sutter? Did you guess “nothing except the injury and the jersey?” THEN YOU WIN! Cole got drilled headfirst into the boards on an obvious and reprehensible hit from behind by Brooks Orpik, Letowski’s was a late hit by Colby Armstrong, and Colton Orr got his arms up on Matt Cullen. So ask yourself these questions: Was Sutter drilled into the boards headfirst? Was Sutter hit late? Did Doug Weight get his arms up?

The answer to all three is “obviously not.” So this argument has no actual bearing on the Sutter hit. Have a seat, Rutherford.

Then the pro-Hurricanes internetters had their ill-informed whacks at it.

First, “Bubba” at Cane Country, the only blog regarding the Canes worth reading:

This blogger has been a fan of Doug Weight for a long time. Tonight, the fandom is over.

You already lose credibility points. This guy helped your team win a Stanley Cup but because he cleans out Sutter on a hit you later say is perfectly legal, he’s some type of an asshole all of a sudden? I don’t get it. I really don’t.

According to the rules it was a legal hit. But was it a “clean” hit? Was it really necessary? Weight made no attempt at all to play the puck, he lowered his shoulder and went right after his young, inexperienced target.

Memo to all NHL players: Please take opponents’ experience into consideration when playing them. If they’re under 20, don’t hit them as hard, let them walk around you, and get your glove up to stop a shot a little slower than normal. Everyone knows we’re trying for a kinder, gentler NHL and what Doug Weight SHOULD HAVE DONE for Brandon Sutter was tip his helmet in a cordial manner and offer him a Snickers ice cream bar. Everyone loves those.

The NHL, last time I checked, was a professional league in a contact sport. Is this no longer the case? Was it okay when Mike Commodore did it FUCKING CONSTANTLY? In those two hits, where was Commodore’s attempt to play the puck? Does not trying to make him a bad, unlikeable guy in the vein of supervillain Doug Weight? These are things I need actual answers to so I know how to feel about any further hits on Hurricanes players.

Many fans will have no problem with that play calling it, “a part of hockey”. Sutter will certainly learn his lesson. He’ll learn that he should never try that hard to make a play again, so that he won’t put himself in a similar situation. Better to hold back and play it safe, then to try to make a hustle play and be vulnerable.

Well “many fans” have been watching hockey since before May, 2006, so I can see where you’d get mixed up. What this teaches Sutter is actually that he shouldn’t overextend himself in reaching for a puck in the neutral zone with an opposing player bearing down on him. What a novel concept that is. Next incredibly myopic point?

While the NFL has figured out that it doesn’t do their league any good to have their stars carted off the field with concussions, the NHL doesn’t care. Helmet to helmet hits are illegal in football. Taking another player’s head off is a “good play” in the NHL.

Another stupid example. Hey dipshit, did Weight HEADBUTT Sutter on this play? That looked a hell of a lot like his shoulder to me. Although, if Doug Weight has a smaller head on his shoulder like in Total Recall or something, I retract my statement. I’ve not met Doug Weight, nor do I know of the existence of said mini-head.

But allow me for a moment to see if I have this right. The league needs to protect players’ heads. We can all agree on that. Hell of an idea. But let’s look at this rationally. Doug Weight didn’t go up to get Sutter’s head. He didn’t. Irrefutably. In fact, Sutter brought his head down to, oh I dunno, shoulder level or so. Thus, when Weight’s SHOULDER met Sutter’s HEAD, it wasn’t because Weight was headhunting, it was because that’s what got in the way of his shoulder.

This is an incredibly cut-and-dry case. Weight made no effort to drill Sutter’s head in. You can argue, I guess, that it happened because Weight made no effort NOT to drill Sutter’s head in, but therein lies the distinction. You can’t make a rule against not not trying to injure someone. It’s very rare that someone means to injure another (unless that someone’s name rhymes with Lion Lollweg), but he got hurt on a clean play that EVERYONE agrees is a clean play in the course of playing hockey.

It’s part of the game, and all this sobbing about how it’s unfair that it only happens to the Hurricanes is just stupid.

Oh yeah, and you know who’s a bit of a headhunter? Brandon Sutter.

What We Learned

New Jersey (1 game, 1 point): Finally, New Jersey’s weakness is exposed. Stink bombs!

Philadelphia (1 game, 2 points): Curse of Palin broken by the classiest fans in the league. Keep it up, fellas.

Atlanta (1 game, 0 points): That was maybe one of the most fun Super Saturday games, and the Thrashers deserved better in the final result, but…

Boston (1 game, 2 points): Ya gotta keep an eye on Milan Lucic. He puts guys through the glass and gets hat tricks. Double threat.

Ottawa (1 game, 0 points): What an unbelievably bad team. Who saw that coming? Oh right, me. I did.

Toronto (1 game, 2 points): How do the Leafs have points in five of their last six games? That doesn’t even make sense. There is still one thing they’re bad at though: tanking a season properly.

Anaheim (1 game, 2 points): After an awful start at home, the Ducks have been fabulous since going on the road. They should petition the league to play nothing but away games for the rest of the year. Home cooking’s for losers.

Montreal (1 game, 0 points): Too bad about Carey Price getting the flu. They would have won that game if it hadn’t been for Jan Halak’s abysmal performance in Price’s stead.

Carolina (1 game, 2 points): Poor Cam Ward. He faced 60 shots against the Isles and still won. That should count for two wins on his record. Crazy.

New York Islanders (1 game, 0 points): Hey, DiPietro’s injured again. Only what, 12 years left on that contract? Garth Snow is a supergenius.

Pittsburgh (1 game, 1 point): These guys can’t keep giving away points in shootout losses to division opponents.

New York Rangers (1 game, 2 points): The rare and mysterious Goal By Markus Naslund. There’s only going to be 15 of those by the end of the season.

San Jose (1 game, 2 points): Dan Boyle was out for revenge alright. Set up the Sharks’ first goal against his former team and then helped them get the shutout. Good for him.

Tampa Bay (1 game, 0 points): Letting Stamkos rot on the bench is Melrose’s prerogative, I guess, but with the team’s offense the way it is, they might wanna give this kid a little more ice time if he’s as good as they claim he is. Just sayin’.

Los Angeles (1 game, 0 points): The Kings have a hell of an offense and no goaltending, just like always.

Nashville (1 game, 2 points): I still don’t know what to make of Nashville. I’ve seen them play at least three different times and they played like a different team in every single one. I don’t even know how I’d handle being a fan of theirs.

Columbus (1 game, 0 points): I can’t believe it. Rick Nash doesn’t score and the team loses. Who would’ve thought that would happen.

Minnesota (1 game, 2 points): Winning 2-1 every night is superfun. Please stay, Marian!

Washington (1 game, 2 points): They scored six goals against Dallas and Ovechkin picked up a single point. It’s Bizarro Caps!

Dallas (1 game, 0 points): lol Turco.

Detroit (1 game, 2 points): Marian Hossa ripped a slap shot to win in a shootout. You’d think a handsy guy like that wouldn’t resort to the slapper, but maybe that’s why it worked. What a great, fun team this is to watch.

Chicago (1 game, 1 point): Ditto. But man Quenneville can’t coach against Detroit.

Florida (1 game, 0 points): That thing I said about the Preds being three different teams? Florida’s played like they were about five. Good thing they have no fans whatsoever.

St. Louis (1 game, 2 points): The continued offensive explosion keeps this team going through anything, it seems, but Ben Bisho and Marek Schwarz as the team’s goalies for the next little while has to be incredibly worrying.

Buffalo (1 game, 1 point): When is this team going to lose in regulation? They really aren’t that good, I swear.

Colorado (1 game, 2 points): How did this team beat Buffalo in any way? I’ve seen them a few times and they’re quite awful.

Vancouver (1 game, 2 points): Yeah they won, but do you really ever want Mason Raymond and Jason Krog leading your attack against a division opponent? No. No you do not.

Edmonton (1 game, 0 points): Fun tip for winning games: Don’t give up four power play goals. Just don’t do it. It makes things much easier on you.

Calgary (1 game, 2 points): Was.. was that a complete game from Calgary? Doth mine eyes deceive? I.. I think that WAS a complete game! P.S. Still undefeated when Iginla scores. P.P.S. Congrats to Brandon Prust on his first NHL goal.

Phoenix (1 game, 0 points): My friends Mike and John drove down from Vegas to catch this one and were sorely disappointed by the lack of Ilya Bryzgalov and Enver Lisin. As were we all, gentlemen. As were we all.

Other stuff I picked up on

Super Saturday would have been even better if there hadn’t been one game at 4 p.m., five at 7 p.m., five at 8 p.m., two at 9 p.m. and two at 10 p.m. Coulda used a 1 p.m. game in there somewhere. Flipping between 11 different games at once during Hockey Night in Canada isn’t easy. … Yes, I actually did watch nine hours of hockey on Saturday. And yes, I just lobbied to make it more like 12. But I was puking most of the day, so I wasn’t going anywhere. … If you missed Alex Burrows’ impression of Marc Crawford on After Hours, you missed a phenomenal representation of what I always imagined Marc Crawford to sound like. … By the way, did you see that new trick I picked up on linking to specific times in Youtube videos? Pretty rad, eh? … I’m very, very sad that I have to wait almost a full year to watch a new Mad Men episode. That show’s better than pretty much everything. … Pascal Leclaire is hurt again. Big shock there. … Got $250 for something you might hate? The Sharks would like you to buy their third jersey before you’ve seen it. … It may be sacrilege, but I really do like the new Hockey Night in Canada theme. It’s awesome.

Play of the Weekend

Nik Zherdev’s goal with nine seconds left to force overtime and help the Rangers get at least a point out of the Penguins was pretty goddamn awesome.

Gold star award

Milan Lucic’s first career multiple-goal game just happened to have been a hat trick. And the third goal of that hat trick just happened to have been a game-winner after Boston rallied from down 2-0 early in the first period. That’s a pretty decent night.

Update on that broken glass in Boston

Speaking of Lucic, you might remember that my friend Mark was an unfortunate victim of that glass shower on Thursday. Mark says the Bruins got back to him on the situation and will give them the VIP treatment at a game of his choice. Seems like a pretty sweet deal.

Things that I find worrying

1. Calgary is completely reliant upon Jarome Iginla at this point. Moreso than usual. If he’s not making things happen, no one is, and that’s bad news for any night that Iginla is shut down even in part. Living and dying with this team is hurting my heart, especially because I can’t logically believe that Todd Bertuzzi keeps up this goalscoring pace.

2. The New NHL might really be starting to work. In the 15 games on Super Saturday, there were 96 goals scored. NINETY-SIX! That’s like 6.4 a game (yes I used a calculator). There were also a bunch of shootouts. But the best game of the day was the Philadelphia/New Jersey game that featured a number of fights (including two at the same time!) an Philly getting its first win in overtime and a giant stink bomb. And that’s the shit Bettman wants to get rid of. Come on.

Speaking of the stink bomb

Is there anything worse in the history of human existence than a Philadelphia sports fan? What a bunch of fucking animals. Seriously. It’s embarrassing for two reasons, 1) it continues to happen, 2) they continue to deny that it happens. Come on, there was a STINK BOMB at a HOCKEY GAME! Games in Philly should be played in empty buildings like they do in European soccer when fans misbehave.

Something I thought of just now

1) Paul Stastny’s contract is up after this season. He’s going to make a metric shitload of money.

2) Have you guys seen these commercials for the coming switch from analog to digital television? Who the FUCK still gets their TV from the air and why are they having these commercials on the NHL Network, which in my area is Channel 259? Seriously, if I had a TV that worked by wrapping RABBIT EARS in tin foil, how would I be seeing Rick Nash telling me to call the government to get money for a digital converter? Better yet, with the economy in the shitter and the government giving AIG three hundred trillion dollars to go on vacation, why are we giving any of these antenna-using assholes any money at all? Theirs are clearly opinions that matter less than a little. Hell, if they don’t have cable, they probably don’t even KNOW about this offer. It’s like 2009 starting tomorrow, so either put down the extra eight bucks a month for basic cable or stay the fuck off the grid, you Unabomber wackjobs. Money’s too tight to be handing out to Appalachian Hill People that don’t have the internet.

Next week’s game I’m totally going to watch on Center Ice if I’m home

Chicago at Dallas on Friday at 8:30 p.m. Not that I’ll be home, but it’ll be a laugh to watch the Blackhawks hang 14 on Turco. Tivo material for sure.

Just a reminder

That Bruins/Flames game that will absolutely feature a Milan Lucic/Dion Phaneuf showdown is Thursday night at 9 p.m. Should be a good one.

Because some guy e-mailed me and told me to post my thoughts on Sarah Palin

She’s as much dead weight for the Flyers, Blues and Manny Legace’s hip as she is for the McCain campaign. I have no further thoughts on this because of the amount of hate mail I am sure to receive for these two sentences alone.

I just can’t be bothered to deal with it.

Event that should replace the shootout and would be just as relevant to hockey skill

A good ol’ fashioned rasslin’ match between the guys on each team with the fewest penalty minutes. It would be funny as hell to watch a pair of soft visor-wearin’ Europeans try to pin eachother. As an added bonus, the match can be Survivor Series-style on Thanksgiving Eve.

Soccer update only I care about

Liverpool beat Chelsea at Stamford Bridge 1-0. Why is that important? First, the Reds now sit alone atop the Premier League, lords of all they survey. Second, it was the first time they’d EVER scored a goal in league play against the Blues since Rafa Benitez took over as manager in 2005. Third, it was the first time Chelsea had lost at their home ground in some unfathomable amount of time. Fourth, Liverpool is awesome and Chelsea are quite shit and this proves it once and for all.

College hockey update only I care about

My beloved UMass Lowell River Hawks rolled over Providence College in the home/Hockey East opener, 4-1. Almost 6,200 fans showed up, which is the sixth-largest crowd in school history. It was an unbelievable night for Lowell. The boys were raving about the crowd after the game. Hopin’ we can keep that going.

The No. 1 DVD I own and kind of want to watch this week but likely will not

Not a DVD per se, but I will make a concerted effort to watch the first seven Treehouse of Horror episodes of the Simpsons. Why just the first seven? Because like the rest of the series, they got profoundly stupid after that. That’s why.

An update on last week’s “No. 1 DVD I own and kind of want to watch this week but likely will not“

Half Baked? Hell yes I watched that. Just as funny as the first time I saw it. Abba Zabba, you my only friend.

Perfect HFBoards trade proposal of the week

The aptly-named mrinsane has a suggestion that makes zero sense for everyone involved:

To Florida: Brad Richards, Steve Ott, BJ Crombeen

VS

To Dallas: Jay Bowmeester, Ville Peltonen, Wayne Primeau

VS

To Calgary: Sean Avery

Signoff in a language that’s not English

This entry was posted on Monday, October 27th, 2008 at 2:12 am and is filed under What We Learned. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.