The Two-Line Pass

I was in New York yesterday and passed a Gap store with Sean Avery’s glamour shots in the window. It was the first time I had seen them in real life and I kind of laughed about it. My friend, who is not a sports fan, obviously didn’t know who Sean Avery was, or why I found him so hilarious.

I explained the “fatso” comment he directed at Marty Brodeur. I explained about him going out with Elisha Cuthbert. I explained the Avery Rule. I even, at the risk of making hockey sound lame, explained the Vogue internship.

“Yeah,” said my friend, “he seems pretty cool I guess.”

If only I had this story to explain as well. The Most Hated Man in the NHL would have been a huge hit.

Avery went on George Stroumboulopoulous’ (I swear that’s his real name) CBC show “The Hour,” and the topic of Don Cherry saying last year that the new Dallas Stars shift-disturber needed to be “straightened out.” Video’s here.

Said Avery (and those sensitive to swear words should turn their monitors off and light their computers on fire, then throw it out the window):

He’s a staple as far as Canadian hockey goes, and I grew up watching Coach’s Corner, and he serves a purpose.

But he really doesn’t know shit about hockey.

Stroumboulopoulous tried to interject, saying that Cherry, who’s been around the game longer than Avery’s been alive, knows quite a bit. Avery had to admit that was true.

He knows, like, unnecessary facts about putting Sears catalogues on your shin pads.

To put it in context, this is like someone in the NFL taking a run at John Madden for comments he made almost a year ago, if Madden hated Europeans.

Avery talks about why he wanted an internship at Vogue, too. It’s partially, he said, because he regrets dropping out of school in ninth grade, and having not learned to play the piano or read Moby Dick, which is a genuine enough reason to do anything. He called what junior hockey players go through in Canada to make it, “Terrible.”

Other highlights:

He gets his underwear ironed, he would delete the Canadiens from the NHL, when asked if he had slept with Kate Moss he replied “Not yet,”he supports Obama, and calls most hockey players “very, very simple.”

Sean Avery, from this interview, is a terribly fascinating person.

This entry was posted on Friday, October 3rd, 2008 at 1:41 pm and is filed under Sum-sum-summertime. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.