The Two-Line Pass

If Chris Chelios can still go, anyone can.

That’s why Claude Lemieux has been intensively training for the last two and a half months to make a return to either the NHL or AHL (FYI it’s an RDS link, so it’s in French). What he fails to realize, I think, is that he’s 43 years old and fat.

(Choppy translation follows)

“Most people will think I’m crazy, but I miss being with the players and the feeling of being on the rink. We only have one life and if we feel something in our heart or in our head, we have to go for it.”

Yes Claude, I think you’re crazy. A full 10 weeks of training, even if it’s with the Coyotes, won’t prepare a 40-plus guy that hasn’t played professional hockey since 2003-04 (in Switzerland, mind you) for the NHL or even the AHL. This is a terribly misguided thing to do, no matter how much you miss the sport.

Here’s Lemieux’s appearance on the SpikeTV show Pros vs. Joes. He shows up about 40 seconds in. First, he looks terribly out of shape before he even hits the ice, more than a few pounds heftier than the 230ish he was playing at in his prime. Once he does get on the ice, he looks terrible even for someone that isn’t skating particularly hard. Then, to win a puck battle, he high sticks his opponent in the mouth. Circus crap like that will go over real big in the AHL, where some 22-year-old, 245-pound thug is going to beat your old head into a bloody pulp the first chance he gets.

Lemieux, and try to contain your disbelief here, does not — repeat, does NOT — have an agreement with any NHL team at this time. If one would like to contact him, it may do so through his retirement home.

Better solution: I know old people don’t play video games, but Lemieux should really just give NHL09 a whirl. That Be A Pro mode is incredible.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008 at 6:08 pm and is filed under Hilarity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.