The Two-Line Pass

So many crease jokes

You know you’re running low on content for your newspaper’s hockey section when the top story is a three day-old, out-of-date, intricately worked-up graphic about how Dan Hinote will have married a celebrity’s sister last Saturday.

But such is life at the St. Louis Post Dispatch.

“Dan and Amy met (four) years ago through a mutual friend,” Missy Christiansen, Hinote’s sister, told the Rocky Mountain News. “A year later, they saw each other a few times, in Las Vegas and also a weekend in Boston, to celebrate a friend’s birthday. From that weekend that was it . . . it was love.”

According to the RMN, the couple will tie the knot at the Keystone Ranch in front of 400 folks dressed in 1950s-era clothing. The list of attendees will include one of Hinote’s best friends, Peter Forsberg, along with John Michael-Liles and former Blue Shjon Podein.

The rest of the article is a snoozefest, but it does feature one of the least topical, embarrassing references to a movie from over 15 years ago this side of a Bill Simmons column.

Perhaps someone will buy Hinote a new car as a wedding gift. He still drives around a beat-up Dodge Durango that looks like it’s never seen a water hose. In a feature on Stlblues.com, Amy McCarthy tells writer Chris Pinkert that not washing his truck is one of Hinote’s worst habits. “He says, ‘That’s what the rain is for,’” McCarthy said.

“ALLLL-RIGHTTTTTYYY then,” as Jim Carrey would say.

Swing and a miss. Maybe this writer should wear THE MASK so he doesn’t walk around looking DUMB AND DUMBER.

Anyway, the wedding sounds like it was a hoot.

The wedding party of 10 groomsmen and 10 bridesmaids wore traditional garb for the ceremony, but the guests were asked to show up in their favorite ’50s costumes, which would explain the dead celebs who attended the wedding.

Castro, in full military garb and a fake beard, was among the last guests to arrive, which seemed a bit odd because he had a reserved front-row seat on the bride’s side. After the nuptials, Mr. On the Town spotted Castro walking arm-in-arm with the bride’s sister, actress Jenny McCarthy, out to the parking lot.

Was it? Could it have been? Yup, superstar Jim Carrey, Jenny’s beau, slipped in and out of the ceremony almost undetected except when Jenny’s 5-year-old son, Evan, started getting spooked by the get-up. “It’s me, Jimmy,” I was told that Carrey said while pulling down his beard to soothe the troubled young ‘un.

Winner of best costume, by the way?

Befitting the occasion, St. Louis defenseman Jay McKee donned a blond wig, Seven Year Itch white dress and heels. Scary sight. Post cake-cutting, Hinote and McCarthy changed into Danny Zucko and Sandy Olsen costumes.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 29th, 2008 at 1:51 pm and is filed under Sum-sum-summertime. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.