The Two-Line Pass

"Oh boy! A free one-week trip to America!"

Here’s a sentence I never thought I’d type again: Petr Nedved has been invited to an NHL camp (click for moon language-y goodness). Really.

Which team would be desperate enough for a warm body up front to invite Petr F’n Nedved to camp? If you guessed a team that isn’t going to make the playoffs, you are correct.

The New York Rangers have asked the Czech to swing by training camp and show them what he’s got. This after a sterling 2007-08 season with Sparta Praha of the Czech league in which he scored 20-5-25 in 45 games against goalies who were presumably wearing oven mitts for gloves and crumpled newspapers for pads.

Before that, he split time in Edmonton and Philadelphia in 2006-07, scoring two goals and 10 assists while registering a whopping -25 and somehow getting almost 15 minutes a night.

Now, Nedved is two years older (a robust 36) and, I’m assuming, even more out of shape. If nothing else, this excursion into the depths of straw-grasping should be good for quite a few chuckles.

Says Czech sports website Deniksport.cz (via Google Translator with a little help):

Hockey attacker Peter Nedvěd may return to the NHL. About place in the group will fight in the camp (of the) New York Rangers!

When (he) does not penetrate after a year-long break in the best competition, (he) will play the Czech Extra in Liberec.

“I have to say that Liberec offer is magic in all directions, but return to the NHL is a challenge for me,” says the third product of Bohemia in the history of overseas competition.

Hilarious that even Google Translator says “When” he doesn’t make the team.

The Quebec government has gone ahead with the decision to prosecute Jonathan Roy, the son of some goalie you may have heard of, for his involvement in a particularly violent fight during last year’s QMJHL playoffs. Roy faces an assault charge that could cost him up to $2,000 and six months in jail.

Here’s the fight in full, as opposed to just the clip of Roy kicking the christ out of that kid and flipping everyone in the building off.

[youtube="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESHa9-Czv_A"]

The “fight” was, to be fair, more a pummeling on par with what Alex and his droogs doled out at the beginning of A Clockwork Orange, but regardless, this fight took place within the context of a line brawl in a friggin’ HOCKEY GAME. Should he have gone after the opposing goalie so hard, or continued to beat him when the kid clearly had no desire to fight?

Of course not. If that had been an MMA fight, it would have been stopped far quicker than that. But this is hockey, and whether or not you’re looking to fight, you still need to engage the competitor and defend yourself. If the other goalie had done that, it wouldn’t have looked like nearly as savage a beating.

But one criminal lawyer says the Crown’s decision to proceed with charges sends a strong message that there are limits, even in contact sports where a certain level of rough and aggressive play is expected and the risk is assumed.

“The prosecution is sending a warning that while some things might be tolerated in sports, other actions won’t be tolerated,” said Montreal defence lawyer Robert La Haye. “Rough play and violence, within the norms, is permitted. But the Crown is saying this level of violence is considered reprehensible and prohibited, on or off the ice, and there are norms that shouldn’t be surpassed.”

Well that’s not a good thing. There’s no place in hockey for what happened, but the last thing any sport needs is events on the field/ice/court, short of murder or life-threatening injury, being subject to criminal charges. Someone in Quebec must be running for district attorney.

Jonathan Roy isn’t a criminal. An idiotic rockhead like his father? Absolutely. Should he be banned from playing in the QMJHL this season or in any other? You can make the argument, but he won’t be. But he’s not a criminal. The fact that he might be doing jailtime for this is ludicrous, no matter how much it helps his aspiring hip hop career via street cred.

"What do you mean I'm fi.. Director, you say?"

When you do as poor a job of being your team’s general manager over as many years as Kevin Lowe has, it shouldn’t be a surprise when you lose your job.

And if you work for a competent organization, you’re probably going to be escorted from the building carrying a box with your nameplate sticking out of it. Luckily for Kevin Lowe, the Oilers are not a competent organization.

The Edmonton Oilers have announced significant changes to their Hockey Operations Department, naming Kevin Lowe as the team’s President of Hockey Operations.  As President of Hockey Operations, Lowe has named Steve Tambellini as the team’s new General Manager.  In addition, long-time Vice-President of Hockey Operations, Kevin Prendergast, has been named Assistant General Manager.

Lowe, the Oilers’ first NHL draft choice in 1979, has been an integral part of the Oilers, as a player, coach, Executive Vice-President and General Manager for over 25 years.

Tambellini had been the assistant GM with the Canucks, and has been with the organization since 1990. Many Canucks fans were fearful of the day Tambellini, who largely oversaw Vancouver’s drafts the last few years, left the organization to be GM somewhere else. The fact that it’s in the Canucks’ division makes it much, much worse.

My bet: First thing the Oilers do is trade the farm for Jeff Tambellini.

The downside to all this is, of course, that Lowe will no longer be able to feud with Brian Burke.

By the way, here is my favorite part of the press release, which was obviously written by some sort of madman who broke into the Oilers’ offices, subdued everyone with some sort of knockout gas, and typed nonsense into every open Word file on anyone’s computers:

Considered as one of the NHL’s top executives, Kevin most recently helped guide the Oilers to the 2006 Stanley Cup Finals.

If Heath Ledger wasn’t dead, we’d have a prime suspect.

Look out, Scotty! Hitler's behind you!

Apparently it is, but for a very specific reason.

Bowman’s son Stan is an Assistant GM, Hockey Operations with the Blackhawks.

“It’s certainly an exciting day for me and for the family,” said Scotty Bowman. “Being in Detroit for 15 years, I got to know Gordie Howe. He often talked about… how he felt the most exciting time of his career was when he got to play with his sons. I wanted to work with my son Stan. it’s a dream everyone has and it doesn’t happen very often.”

This is a great move by the Blackhawks. Obviously the senior Bowman’s reputation speaks for itself, and the more he’s around all of Chicago’s kids, the better. Bowman’s one of those guys that exudes success with no great effort, and there is something to be said for a man that knows how to pick his spots.

He led the Blues to three straight Stanley Cup Finals and never finished lower than third in the West, then won five Cups in eight years with Montreal. He went on to win the Cup only four more times in his coaching career, once with Pittsburgh and three more times with Detroit. From 1967-68 to 2001-02, Bowman made the playoffs 28 of the 29 full seasons he coached. He has served as an advisor to Detroit since his retirement from coaching after the 2002 Cup win.

So now he and his 10 rings are on to Chicago, where he will certainly do what he does best: be Scotty Bowman for everyone.

Yay! I got re-signed!

Are you taking notes, Cliff Fletcher? This is how smart teams spend their money.

Detroit re-upped promising 24-year-old winger Valtteri Filppula to a five-year, $15 million extension today.

“We’re really excited about locking in a player this young and this good that keeps him off the market as an unrestricted free agent for a couple of years,” Holland said. “He’s the kind of player we can build around in the years to come.”

Filppula had career highs with 19 goals and 36 points last season. Then despite a groin injury, he played in all 22 playoff games and scored in the Stanley Cup-clinching win over the Pittsburgh Penguins last month for his fifth goal and 11th point of the championship run.

Having seen Filppula play live a few times (and that goal he scored in St. Louis coming off the wall two seasons ago still strikes me as a beauty, one of the prettiest I’ve seen live), it’s pretty obvious that this is an insanely good deal for the Red Wings. Is $3 million a year a little steep for a 19-goal, 36-point guy that’s defensively responsible? Sure. But in three years, when he’s popping in 30 and getting 60 points no problem — and still being very solid in his own end — it’s going to look like a great contract.

His 19 goals were the result of his only getting 16ish minutes of ice time and a very limited power play role, and his linemates were Jiri Hudler and Mikael Samuelsson (not exactly Zetterberg and Datsyuk).

Curiously, though, the move puts Detroit perilously close to the salary cap with a few free agents still unsigned. Makes you wonder if this is it for the ageless Chris Chelios.

For the record, Filppula still makes less money than Jeff Finger.

Playing the third jersey game is always a dicey prospect. We’ve had some good ones (the Wild’s vintage jersey that eventually became their home sweater), and some very, very bad ones (the “Cool Cat” Blues jersey, the “Gorton’s” Isles jersey, and the flying Mighty Duck). So whenever new ones come out, as a handful did today, there is a great movement to quickly judge these new jerseys and accompanying logos.

With this in mind, I am going to be quickly judging the new logos.

Atlanta Thrashers

We knew already that they would be going with a text-only third, so this is no surprise. If they stick with just this (and keep numbers off the front of the jersey), it could be their best one. Grade: B+

Boston Bruins

Another one we already knew, thanks to a few pictures of Patrice Bergeron skating around in one, and while I love the throwback logo, the jersey itself is uninspiring. Pity, too, because Boston was one of the teams that  benefited most from the Edge jersey reboot. Grade: C-

Buffalo Sabres

Buffalo literally cannot go wrong with this logo. Icethetics also notes a silver lining around the logo, which is perhaps some sort of metaphor. Again, keep the numbers off the front of the shirt and this will be Buffalo’s best. Grade: B

Phoenix Coyotes

Not a big fan of black third jerseys in general, but this is a stellar logo and it fits the Coyotes well. They literally could not have done a better job with this, and I’m a big fan of their current jerseys as well. Well done, Phoenix. Grade: A

Pittsburgh Penguins

No shock here, but the old-timey Penguin look is a nice touch. We’ve already seen what the jersey will look like thanks to the Winter Classic, so they really couldn’t screw this up too badly. Grade: B

San Jose Sharks

Ugh. San Jose is literally just slapping its already-mediocre logo on a black jersey. No imagination, nothing of interest. Grade: D

Tampa Bay Lightning

This is another one we already knew about, but still, just seeing it really drives the point home. This is like if the Canadiens’ rumored third jersey said “Habs” on the front, or if the Devils’ third said “Devs.” It’s okay to refer to the team as the Bolts colloquially, but seeing it in official logos is a big turnoff. That said, they could have made it a lot worse. Grade: D+

Toronto Maple Leafs

Again, it’s tough to screw up a classic. Grade: B+

Icethetics is quick to warn, by the way, that these may not be finalized versions of the logos.

As with anything, keep in mind that while I trust this source, I’m always wary about passing rumor off as fact. I believe these to be legitimate images but anything is possible. Take it for what it is and enjoy it!

The blog also notes that we’ve yet to see the third logos for the Kings, Sens and Blues, with several more unconfirmed but accounted for. Carolina, Philly and Chicago will stick with their primary logos, and the Oilers, Islanders and Canucks are going vintage. Dallas’ jersey will be their current black one in white (with just “DALLAS” and the player number on the front).

What?

With only 14 players under contract and the team $13ish million below the league’s cap floor, you have to wonder what the Kings are up to since this article was published almost two weeks ago.

They haven’t signed anyone of significance, at all. Peter Harrold has been it (signed July 22) and the terms of his contract aren’t disclosed yet, which is curious. Dean Lombardi seems too smart to give him a Jeff Finger contract, so that leaves LA with, say, $10.5-11 million and only three restricted free agents to sign. How they flesh out the rest of the roster is anyone’s guess.

But rumors are beginning to swirl that perhaps the reports in the Boston Globe from a few weeks ago (that Celtics owner Wyc Grousbeck is leading a group that is trying to buy a significant minority share in the Kings) are true, and that’s what’s holding up everything. If that is the case, that certainly explains the Kings’ inactivity so far.

The question is whether or not the Kings decide they want to compete this year (they can’t) or enter the Tavares sweepstakes and blow it up and miss the playoffs for the sixth season in a row, sinking farther into irrelevance in the second-biggest hockey market in North America (they will).

I was clicking through YouTube just now and once again stumbled upon a clip that, for me, will never get old.

It is Ilya Bryzgalov, then-backup goalie for the Ducks, being interviewed by the humorless Edmonton media prior to Chris Pronger’s first game back in Oiltown since the infamous forced trade.

Funny and pointed, it stands as the crowning achievement among all hockey interviews. Nothing can match it for humor and rewatch value. I have a friend who literally watches it every day at work and giggles like a schoolgirl every time (sorry Mike).

Here it is then:

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=-Ns14hRqwY8]

So many great moments. The high-pitched “Why you heff to be mhad,” the indignant “Hold on, here is minus thearty-two,” the reference to November as “November months.” Priceless.

It occurred to me, though, that there are many great hockey interviews out there. It’s hard to think of an unfunny Ovechkin interview. Some people might think there are better ones though. Could you himagine?

So if you have a favorite, send it on in via e-mail or in the comments.

So many crease jokes

You know you’re running low on content for your newspaper’s hockey section when the top story is a three day-old, out-of-date, intricately worked-up graphic about how Dan Hinote will have married a celebrity’s sister last Saturday.

But such is life at the St. Louis Post Dispatch.

“Dan and Amy met (four) years ago through a mutual friend,” Missy Christiansen, Hinote’s sister, told the Rocky Mountain News. “A year later, they saw each other a few times, in Las Vegas and also a weekend in Boston, to celebrate a friend’s birthday. From that weekend that was it . . . it was love.”

According to the RMN, the couple will tie the knot at the Keystone Ranch in front of 400 folks dressed in 1950s-era clothing. The list of attendees will include one of Hinote’s best friends, Peter Forsberg, along with John Michael-Liles and former Blue Shjon Podein.

The rest of the article is a snoozefest, but it does feature one of the least topical, embarrassing references to a movie from over 15 years ago this side of a Bill Simmons column.

Perhaps someone will buy Hinote a new car as a wedding gift. He still drives around a beat-up Dodge Durango that looks like it’s never seen a water hose. In a feature on Stlblues.com, Amy McCarthy tells writer Chris Pinkert that not washing his truck is one of Hinote’s worst habits. “He says, ‘That’s what the rain is for,’” McCarthy said.

“ALLLL-RIGHTTTTTYYY then,” as Jim Carrey would say.

Swing and a miss. Maybe this writer should wear THE MASK so he doesn’t walk around looking DUMB AND DUMBER.

Anyway, the wedding sounds like it was a hoot.

The wedding party of 10 groomsmen and 10 bridesmaids wore traditional garb for the ceremony, but the guests were asked to show up in their favorite ’50s costumes, which would explain the dead celebs who attended the wedding.

Castro, in full military garb and a fake beard, was among the last guests to arrive, which seemed a bit odd because he had a reserved front-row seat on the bride’s side. After the nuptials, Mr. On the Town spotted Castro walking arm-in-arm with the bride’s sister, actress Jenny McCarthy, out to the parking lot.

Was it? Could it have been? Yup, superstar Jim Carrey, Jenny’s beau, slipped in and out of the ceremony almost undetected except when Jenny’s 5-year-old son, Evan, started getting spooked by the get-up. “It’s me, Jimmy,” I was told that Carrey said while pulling down his beard to soothe the troubled young ‘un.

Winner of best costume, by the way?

Befitting the occasion, St. Louis defenseman Jay McKee donned a blond wig, Seven Year Itch white dress and heels. Scary sight. Post cake-cutting, Hinote and McCarthy changed into Danny Zucko and Sandy Olsen costumes.

Mickey Renaud was just 19

The cause of death for Windsor Spitfires captain and Calgary Flames draft pick Mickey Renaud, who collapsed at his family’s home back in February, has been determined: it was hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.

Toxicology tests also confirmed no presence of any type of drugs.

Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy is a genetic disorder in which the heart muscle can be abnormally thick.

Mark Renaud thanked the public for the “prayers and well wishes throughout our most difficult time.”

Renaud, a talented hockey star, collapsed in his family’s home in the Windsor suburb of Tecumseh on Feb. 18. He was rushed to Windsor Regional Hospital but could not be resuscitated.

If not for some irregularities spotted by doctors at the NHL Draft Combine this year, Lightning draftee David Carle might have suffered the same fate. He, too, was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, and as a result will never play hockey again. It is difficult to believe that kids are not subject to the same tests in the CHL combines, given the myriad potential health risks involved.

But this serves as a sobering reminder that life’s bigger than hockey, and hopefully it will lead to earlier detection in other players, like Carle, before something like this happens again.